Ichidou: Ray of Hope
by butterflyKISSU
Summary: previously by xXxCherryBlossomxXx! Ichidou is a place for those who need to clean themselves up of addictions. Syaoran, who is forced to go there, has a dark secret. But is it possible his assigned help also has a secret of her own? Can she help him? SxS
1. prologue

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Prologue – How It Began_

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A nineteen year old boy with rich, dark brown hair and intense, glazed over amber eyes sat alone in a ditch, surrounded by the pitch blackness of the night. The ground he was sitting on was soaked in old rainwater that had gathered at the bottom of the ditch, creating thick puddles. The boy's clothes were soaked with mud and water. Though he seemed not to care. He just sat there, a misty look in his dazed amber eyes as he stared off into nothing.

His expression was mostly blank, but at times it would suddenly crease with anger and frustration and his hands would ball up into fists around the moist grass beneath him, as old memories of a girl with gorgeous ebony hair and a smiling face would rupture in his mind. When this would happen, he couldn't help but let bitter thoughts of the girl appear in his mind: _Damn her, leaving me alone to rot on this god-forsaken Earth! She can burn in Hell for all I care! Let her burn, dammit!_

Suddenly, two brightly lit flashlights were being shone in the boy's face. He winced, his eyes too used to the night, and lifted a hand up to his eyes to shield them from the lights. He could just make out the people; two men, holding the flashlights. He quickly realized who they were.

"Finally," the one man sighed, obviously both exhausted and relieved. "We've been looking for you for a few hours now, kid."

The boy didn't even attempt to respond, and didn't give either man a chance to get down in the ditch with him. He stood up, and grudgingly walked up the slope of the deep ditch's wall.

"Your mother has been worried about you, again," the second man said to the boy as he hurried past them. Looking to the other man beside him, who merely shrugged, he began to follow the boy towards the police cruiser waiting for them. "She'll be glad to know you're safe."

The boy didn't respond again, and, refusing any help what so ever, climbed into the car then slammed the door behind him with more force than need be. He was only half paying attention when the two men climbed into the front of the car, and sighed as he waited for them to drive him back home.

Again.

**b.K.d**

"Xiao Lang!" A girl in her mid to late twenties practically screamed as she swung the door open and pulled the amber-eyed boy into a tight embrace. She ignored the boy's small grunt of annoyance and the fact that he was refusing to reply, then quickly thanked the two police officers for bringing him home before pulling the boy inside and shutting the door.

Once inside, the woman finally let go of the grasp she held on the boy, but kept a firm grip on his shoulders, and looked him over quickly for any injuries. When she was content with her findings, she sighed and completely pulled away, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

"Xiao Lang," she said seriously. "Do you realize how worried Mother has been? The others are still looking for you."

The boy shrugged, "I honestly didn't really think anyone would notice, Fei Mei. I was only gone for – "

"Over a day! You left before school yesterday and never returned!" She screamed, ignoring his sigh. "How could you possibly think we wouldn't notice or go after you after all that time! Especially when your school called, and said you didn't even show up for classes yesterday or today!"

The boy looked away, hating the fact that he was seeing a small pool of tears brimming in his older sister's eyes. He never was good with tears, especially with the opposite sex, but for whatever reason he was nearly unaffected by them. Besides the fact that he couldn't stand to look at her like that, he choose to shrug it off and ignore it.

He shrugged again, trying not to show any emotion. "Sorry."

His sister opened her mouth to say something, but he wasn't listening. He never listened. He briskly waked past her and made way for the stairs, running up the vast amount of stairs and seeking refuge in his room. He immediately walked over to his bed and took a seat, letting the comforting bed take in his weight with a small bounce. He sighed, shoving his hand through his hair as he leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees, letting his head hang loosely.

There was a sudden small knock at his door, and before he could answer, the door was creaking open and in stepped an elegant woman older than the one before, dressed in an ancient Chinese robe and wearing a solemn frown on her face. She sighed sadly, observing that the boy didn't even take notice to her entering, remembering that there was once a time where he would stand for her and welcome her in formally.

"My son," she started sadly, in a low but almost scary calm voice. "I have been worried." When he didn't answer, her eyes grew with sorrow and she gave a small, almost unnoticeable sigh again, hoping to catch his attention. "When is this going to stop, Xiao Lang? When she comes back? We both know she will not, Xiao Lang. It is, sadly, impossible."

"...I know," he finally answered in a weak voice, still refusing to look up. "I'm not looking for her to come back, Mother. I understand that will never happen."

"She would never want to see you like this," his mother continued. "She loved you, and it would tear her apart seeing you like this."

"Yeah, well...we'll never know what she every wanted, will we?!" He angrily shot to his mother, missing her pained wince.

"Xiao Lang," his mother said in a warning tone. "This must stop, now. All of this; the abrupt running off, being unsociable, your drop in grades, and the drugs. Especially the drugs."

The boy scoffed, "I wasn't smoking anything tonight."

"No," the woman said bitterly, finally losing her control over her emotions as she felt herself slowly becoming more and more angry with her stubborn son. "Not tonight, perhaps."

The boy, his eyes filling with burning rage, shot up and glared at his mother as he felt his legs stand up for him. He felt his hands quickly roll up into tight fists by his sides as his eyes narrowed dangerously on the woman standing only slightly calmly in front of him. "If _she _hadn't left me – !"

"She never did it to hurt you," his mother stated coldly. "And you know it."

The boy looked as though he was going to say something, his mouth opening slightly as if words were forming on his lips, but he quickly closed his mouth and turned away. His gaze fell to the ground, and once more he refused to look at his mother, much less meet her own demanding gaze.

"Xiao Lang," she began once more, her voice once more filled with calm and worry. "This must stop. I, along with many others, am getting very worried. So," she took a small breath, readying herself for the reaction about to come once the words left her lips, which there would be without any doubt. "So, I am sending you to _'Ichidou'_."

The boy jerked his head up, his eyes switching from anger to confusion, then back to anger. The flame of anger grew as he read his mother's face, realizing she was dead serious. "_Ray of Hope_?" He asked with disgust, translating the word into Chinese. "Isn't that in Japan?!"

"Yes," his mother nodded. "In a small town in the Tokyo district. It is to help kids stabilize themselves, and prepare them for therapy to stop their addictions, whether it be drugs or alcohol. I am sending you for the one month program that will start this weekend."

"You can't do this!" The boy screamed. "That's for people with a problem, and I most certainly do not – !"

"You most certainly do have a problem, my son," the woman said sternly, quickly quieting the boy. "And it worries me even more that you cannot see this. Everyone has noticed the change in you since she passed, Xiao Lang, but it has become too much. Everyone is worried for you."

"But – !"

"You will go," Yelan Li said sternly, her eyes narrowing dangerously on her son and quickly made him shut his mouth again. "And you will take the plane that is leaving for Japan on Friday morning. No excuses."

He glowered at his mother, then spun on his heals and marched into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut with extreme force and locked it, then leaned his back against the wood and slid down it until he was sitting. He grabbed a fistful of hair in each hand and screamed out to no one in particular.

_She can burn in Hell_, he thought again icily.

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**Author's Note: This was previously _xXxCherryBlossomxXx_'s story, and I have the honour of taking it over since, sadly, she cannot write it any longer. I hope I can live up my and her readers expectations and hope I won't disappoint you. **

**Sorry, I basically kept this the same as the original, except that small part at the end. I want to keep all of her original work in this one. This is, after all, her idea and therefore I think it'd be disrespectful not to have her own writing in this. Make sense? **

**Next chapter will be along shortly ^.^ Please leave a review, especially if you're coming from Raina! And please, again, especially if you're coming over from Raina, put this story on alert. **

**xox, Riva**

_Next Time... How does Syaoran take to this alien place called "Ichidou"?_


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome to the Camp

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter One – Welcome to the Camp_

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The amber-eyed boy, Li Syaoran, pushed his way through the airport grudgingly, ignoring the rude comments he was getting about manners and such. He found the cab driver holding up his name and sighed angrily before joining him. Obviously, his mother had made sure that he got to his destination.

They arrived and Syaoran got out of the car without saying anything. He simply grabbed his luggage and slammed the door shut. Surprisingly, he found himself awed at the building. It resembled a fancy school, with a basketball court at the side, a lush green lawn and a small fountain sitting in the middle of a grass-patch in the middle of the circular drop-off zone. Sighing, Syaoran walked up the marble steps and was immediately instructed to drop off his luggage in a specific room, then directed toward another room for the orientation being currently presented.

In all honesty, he was actually surprised by how many people were there. There was a good thirty people standing in the audience, all between the ages of about twelve and forty. On a slightly raised stage stood another group of people, about the same amount as the audience and between the same age range. Everyone in the room had their attention on a man standing in front of a mic in the centre of the stage. He was a middle-aged man, with warm light brown eyes behind glasses and tidy brown hair.

"Finally," the man said with a smile, and Syaoran then realized how much of the orientation he had actually missed. He smirked at that. "I will introduce you all to your partner for the month. This partner is someone who was once like you, with a similar or same addiction you have but came here and overcame it. They will be your friend and guide for the month, your link for beginning the healing process. They'll be your friend."

Syaoran couldn't help but scoff, receiving a few stares from his rudeness in return. Honestly, how would having a partner, a _friend_, help any one them, especially him? It was a useless attempt, but he sighed and realized he would have to go with it if he wanted to go home after this was all done. Hopefully if he did everything they wanted him to do, his mother wouldn't send him back. Ever.

The man with the glasses began to call person after person from the audience, and pair them up with another person from the stage. He would quickly say a few words to them, then call up the next person. The process seemed to drag on forever, and by the time they had actually got to Syaoran, there were only about five to seven people left in each group.

Syaoran walked up to the tiny stage as the man called a girl from the stage group over. Syaoran tried not to make much eye contact with her, but he couldn't help noticing her pretty features; beautiful, large emerald eyes and silky shoulder length auburn hair with a slightly curl in it. She was small, about a head shorter than himself, and was built small in every aspect. She almost seemed delicate. She wore a pair of faded skinny jeans and a low v-neck yellow tee with a crisp white tank underneath. Around her neck was a thin silver chain with a small charm at the end, though Syaoran really took no notice to the stupid little thing.

"Good luck, both of you," the man smiled with a twinkle in his eye as he handed the girl a small brown folder. "You may go out into the hall. There's some refreshments waiting for you."

The girl thanked him with a smile and led Syaoran down the steps. He was reluctant but obeyed, as she walked toward the doors and into the hall. Surely enough, there was a long table with a bright, floral table cloth sitting against a wall in the hall, complete with two bowls of punch and some baked goods.

The girl got herself a cookie, and tried to get Syaoran to take something, which he, of course, refused with a grunt. The girl's smile, however, never fell, and she directed him to a small spot near another wall where less people were.

"So, welcome to Ichidou!" She said happily. "I'm Kinomoto Sakura." When Syaoran didn't say anything, she pressed forward, "And you are...?"

He was reluctant to answer, sneaking a quick glance at her and, for whatever reason, felt annoyed with her gentle smile. He sighed and looked away, "Li Syaoran."

Sakura smiled again, and opened her mouth to ask something then quickly closed it with the smallest of frowns. The look on his face didn't scare her, but it did concern eyes were filled with unreadable emotions that she couldn't help but want to get rid of. She had delt with only two other teens her age at Ichidou, both in the same mixed up world of drugs, but she had never met another like the boy in front of her. He almost seemed lost and very distant.

She opened the folder she had received earlier and began searching for something, slowly frowning when she couldn't find what she was looking for. She sighed, and looked back up to the boy who was refusing to look at her. "Do you know your room number you're in?"

Syaoran shook his head, hearing another small sigh escape the girl's mouth. He looked up in time to see her briskly walking away from him, to his relief. He didn't want to be strapped to the hip of some girl he didn't know for the next while, but when he saw the odd stares he was getting, he gave a small sigh himself and gave in, going after her.

Sakura stopped at the information desk in the middle of the entrance hall and smiled at the secretary. The woman in her mid-thirties greeted her kindly, and a small smile spread across Sakura's lips when she looked behind her and saw the Syaoran had followed her.

"Kallie-san," Sakura smiled. "Do you know what room Li Syaoran-kun is in? It's not in my folder."

The girl smiled, and quickly began typing something into her computer. After a few seconds, she frowned and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry Sakura-chan. He only signed up a few days ago, so I guess we forgot to give him a room. Sorry."

"No, it's not your fault," Sakura smiled. She looked back to Syaoran, who was again not meeting her gaze, or even looking at her for that matter. She turned back to Kallie and sighed again. "Are there any rooms open? Anyone without a roommate?"

Kallie typed something on her computer again, her eyes glued in concentration to the screen. It took longer this time for her to respond, but after a bit a small smile spread across her lips. "There is one room. On the third floor, with a Matsumoto Toshiro. Room 301."

Sakura quickly thanked her, scribbling the room number on a sheet of paper in Syaoran's folder, then went to go get his luggage.

Syaoran sighed, shoving his hands into his jean pockets and reluctantly following the green-eyed girl. He sighed. This was going to be one long month.

**b.K.d**

Sakura was the one to knock on the dorm room, holding Syaoran's suitcase in her hands as she waited for an answer. She looked back to Syaoran and sighed, her eyes growing sad for him. She had tried to speak to him, to open him up, but he remained quiet and distant. It worried her, even though she didn't even know him. At least the previous two boys she had worked with made an effort to open up and talk. This one seemed to hate her for some reason. And he definitely didn't want to talk to her, even if only to have a regular conversation.

Finally, the door opened and a boy around the age of fifteen opened the door. He had small, beady dark brown eyes and straight black hair that almost reached his shoulders, and was dressed in a plain black tee and baggy dark jeans.

"Matsumoto-kun?" Sakura asked kindly, waiting for him to nod before she continued. "I understand you have no roommate, is this correct?"

"Yeah," he eyed her and Syaoran suspiciously, a bit of an edge in his voice. "What's it to you?"

"This is Li Syaoran-kun," Sakura introduce, indicating the boy behind her to Toshiro. "He'll be staying with you for."

Both boys grudgingly said their 'hello's before Sakura let herself in and placed Syaoran's luggage on the floor. The room was nice. Not amazing, but nice. The walls were a crisp white, complimenting the two twin-sized beds in the room with warm burgundy coloured blankets. There was a desk with a phone and a flat-screen computer, and a small television sat in the corner up on a corner-shelf.

She turned back to Syaoran and smiled. "Basically, there is no real schedule here. As long as you and I stay together for most of the day, then you're fine. We will, however, need to talk about setting up certain appointments needed her. That'll come later though. I have to go to a meeting for the afternoon, so please make yourself at home. Dinner is between five and seven, so I'll meet you in the cafeteria, okay, Li-kun?"

Syaoran gave a small nod and grunted, not wanting to use words again. And yet, again, Sakura continued to smile warmly at him as she said her farewells to both of the boys, then left the room. Syaoran looked around and sighed; the room wasn't nearly as nice as his back home, and he hated the thought of having to share. But he knew he'd just have to deal with it.

"Well take a seat," Toshiro said a bit more pleasantly than when he had when speaking to Sakura. The younger boy took a seat on the bed he had already claimed, and motioned to Syaoran to take a seat on the other bed.

Syaoran joined him, sitting on his own bed, then leaned back on his hands and grimaced. The bed wasn't nearly as comfortable as his back at home, either.

"I'm Matsumoto Toshiro," Toshiro re-introduced himself, holding out his hand to Syaoran.

Syaoran looked up, sighing as he extended his own hand and politely shook Toshiro's hand. "Li Syaoran."

"Why are you here?"

"Huh?" Syaoran looked taken back. He was pretty sure the reason was obvious.

"Why are you here? At Ichidou?" Toshiro asked again, a little more demanding.

Syaoran looked away, "Aren't we all here because of addictions?" He asked almost angrily. When the boy gave a small shrug and smug smile, Syaoran sighed and decided to answer him. "I had an addiction back home. My Mother wanted me to come here."

"Ah, I see. Motherly love, huh?" Toshiro scoffed at his own joke, then sighed. A smile ran across his lips, as if he were proud of something. "My girlfriend made me come. She said she's afraid of what I've become or some crap like that, whatever the hell that means."

"She loves you," Syaoran said more to himself than Toshiro. "That's why."

"Whatever," the boy sighed. "Did you have any drugs in preference? Any you liked better? It was cocaine for me."

Syaoran hated all the questions. If anything, he just wanted to take off his shoes and go to sleep like he did at home. That's what he had done most of the time at home, anyway. That is, if he wasn't out somewhere smoking something up or drinking his memories away. And the questions the boy was asking him were irritable, but Syaoran still didn't ignore him. At least, for now.

"Same," Syaoran shrugged. "Coke was alright, weed was another one I often experimented with though."

The boy's smile grew, making Syaoran sick to his stomach. And not for the same reason as Sakura's smile and how that one had annoyed him, but because it was more devilish, as if he knew something Syaoran didn't. It made Syaoran uncomfortable, as the boy stood up and walked over to a drawer.

"Cocaine, huh?" Toshiro said more so to himself, not really expecting an answer from Syaoran. He pulled open the drawer and began rooting through it's contents. "Well then, my friend, do I have a treat for you."

He pulled out a bag with about ten rolled up joints, a wide smile across his lips. Syaoran eyed it for a moment, as if considering how he was supposed to react. When the boy realized he wasn't going to say anything, he took one out of the bag and walked back over to Syaoran, then placed the joint in his hand.

"How did you get these in here?" Syaoran asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

The boy gave a small chuckle, reminiscing in what had happened earlier. Another smug smile crossed his lips, and he stopped his laughter when he saw the serious look Syaoran wore. He shrugged, his smile remaining on. "They don't check your bags, you know. Old man Kinomoto goes by the whole 'trust factor' here. What an idiot."

"Kinomoto," Syaoran frowned, remembering the girl's name. "Who's he?"

"Did you miss the orientation?" Toshiro asked. "Kinomoto is the man who runs this place. He was speaking earlier, so you may have seen him even if you came in late. He's a taller man, with glasses. Ringing any bells?"

Syaoran nodded, remembering the man who was speaking on stage earlier, the same man who had paired up Sakura and Syaoran together. He made a mental note to later ask how the two were related. After all, Kinomoto couldn't be that popular of a surname, even in Japan.

Syaoran looked back down at his hand, at the small rolled up joint, and almost grimaced. He still didn't know how to react. Part of him was glad to see the white stick, feeling as though he had been reunited with an old friend of some sort. He hadn't smoked in a few days now, and there was a sudden urge in him body to light it and begin puffing. But the other half of him was telling him to throw it away and refuse it. Wasn't he here to try and stop abusing drugs?

He sighed, taking the joint anyway and shoving it into his pocket. "What do you want for it?"

Toshiro smiled and shook his head. "Nothing, Li. Nothing at all. Think of it as a gift, from one messed-up prisoner to another."

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**Author's Note:** **Again, this chapter is basically what Raina had, but cut in half and renovated a bit. Next update WILL be all me though ^.^ No worries...not dropping what she had written, just adding to it and adding stuff between her work ^.^ Make sense?? Hope so...**

**Sorry for long update...it's cram time for exams coming up in a little over a week. Seven more class-days...EEK! As soon as exams are done, the updates will be quick. I'm not one for slow updates usually, but I need the marks to get into the university I want ^.- **

**PLEASE leave a review ^.^ Love 'em!! And especially thanks to Raina's readers. **

**xox, Riva**

_Next Chapter... Can Sakura break through to Syaoran? Why is she determined to help him? _


	3. Chapter 2: Thinking

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Two – Thinking_

_Song choice – "Pain" Three Days Grace_....The only thing I feel that I need to explain with this song choice is when it refers to taking someone by the hand, I see this as the inner-voice in Syaoran. The voice that nags him about the darkness of his life. It's like an offer for him.

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Syaoran woke up early the next morning. Not because he wanted to, but because that was usually when he was forced to wake up. Because it was in the early hours of the morning when his nightmares would arise. He had gotten to the point, however, that his body knew when to wake before anything could happen. Usually it wasn't quick enough to catch it dot on, though. He always saw a few moments of it.

He threw an arm over his eyes and rolled onto his back, groaning angrily, still able to see the gorgeous eyes he had once looked forward to seeing everyday. _And people wonder why I doped myself up? _He huffed mentally._ It helps me forget. It takes the pain away._

Of course, he would never tell anyone this. Everyone thought that he merely smoked up a storm to drown out the world around him. That wasn't it at all though. There was much, much more behind his so called 'problems'.

Beside him, he could hear Toshiro snoring loudly. He grunted; maybe that woke him up instead of his usual mental alarm system. Peeking under his arm to see the vibrant glowing numbers of the alarm clock beside him, he realized it was just past five in the morning. He tried to remember what the girl – Sakura? Sakira? Whatever – had told him yesterday, and groaned again when he realized he had to wait until eight thirty for when she'd come get him.

The night before, he had refused to go to dinner. He simply didn't want to. Toshiro had laughed at him, saying that the meals weren't that terrible, but Syaoran had still refused. He had learned to go without food before, so one meal wouldn't harm him. He didn't had an eating disorder, by far, but not eating he found was an okay alternative to drugs. At least it made him think of the hollow in his stomach instead of..._her_. An hour after dinner had finished, a knock had come from his door. He had, of course, ignored it and faked sleep. A bit later, the door was unlocked and he heard Toshiro muttering something angrily. Apparently, Sakura had found him to ask him to let her in. Thinking he was asleep, Sakura had left a note, saying that she'd meet Syaoran downstairs for breakfast at eight thirty. Toshiro had been angry when he had realized Syaoran had, in fact, been awake the whole time. He really did not like the Kinomotos.

Syaoran sighed loudly and rolled out of the bed, stumbling over to the chest-of-drawers. He stubbed his toe on the foot of the bed, unable to see in the dark room, and cussed loudly. Toshiro kept snoring away and in some way, Syaoran actually envied him. At least he could sleep so soundly. He felt around in his drawers for clothes, having put away his things the previous night, and found something that felt like a pair of jeans and a cotton tee. He scoured for a fresh pair of boxers, then got dressed for the day. He grabbed his sweater sitting at the end of his bed and tugged it on, then slipped on a pair of sneakers and grabbed his keys to head out the door.

The halls were dark still with night, so silent one could hear a pin drop. He passed through them quietly, trying to remember the bends and stairs Sakura had taken him through the previous day. Finally, he found the correct door that led outside and slipped out into the chilled morning. He looked around quickly for a place to sit and found a stone bench in the garden. Seeing no other place, he sighed and went to it.

Syaoran couldn't remember the last time he just went outside and...sat. Lately, if he went outside, it was to smoke. Whether that be plain cigarettes or something else depended on his mood. It seemed like forever ago when he had last just sat outside and...well, sat. Just to think and enjoy nature. Not that he had come outside for that purpose – he had, of course, come out for some quiet – but hey, why not enjoy his surroundings while he was out?

The sun was only starting to touch the sky, with beautiful shades of oranges and pinks. The morning birds could be heard softly singing in the distance, along with the soft flapping of wings every once in a while. Dew touched the grass, waiting to be dried by the sun soon. Tiny droplets of the same drew were on the flowers, making them almost look like plastic. You know, the kind of flowers you buy at the dollar store with glue on them to make them look wet? They looked like those.

Somehow, even with this surrounding, Syaoran really didn't take notice. He tried to look at the beauty of nature, but couldn't. Once upon a time, he could. He used to all the time. He and..._her_...would sit by a tree or on the beach or on a park bench or by the pond in his backyard and simply enjoy nature. It had always brought him comfort and happiness. Yet now, it brought nothing.

So the sun was rising, but did it not do that every day? The birds sang their songs every morning and flew all the time, so what was so special now? He could just witness it all again tomorrow and the next day. And the dew on the grass and flowers...In a few hours time, it'll be burned away anyway. It was all the same. It was all a repeating cycle.

How could he have seen beauty in such a thing before?

He scolded himself for thinking that, as a quiet voice in the back of his head softly answered for him. A voice he didn't want to hear – _She did that. She made it beautiful._

He growled angrily at the voice and closed his eyes, letting his head hang lazily. He rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his forehead in one hand so he could clench some of his unruly chocolate-coloured hair in his fist.

He just couldn't get her out of his mind! Even after all this time, she wouldn't disappear! She haunted his mind, his dreams, his memories. She was everywhere to him. _She _was the reason why he turned to drugs and alcohol in the first place – to take her away from his thoughts. That only worked sometimes, however. Even being in such states, he'd sometimes still feel her touch or remember something painful, causing him to take another swig of his drink or another dose of the drug he was using.

She was still crystal clear in his mind. Still perfectly imaged, as if she were standing right before his eyes. As if he could still reach out and touch the beauty he had once had. The love he had once had.

_She held out a long slender hand, her large eyes begging for him to take her hand. The wind whipped around, making her hair dance wildly. _

"_Xiao Lang..."_

NO!

His eyes snapped open as he heard her pained plea, his breathing low and raspy. He cursed quietly to himself, not having realized that he had dozed off. He tightened the hold he had on his hair, causing a slight pain in his scalp as be pulled out a few hairs. He winced, but other than that, ignored it. After all, what was a few hairs? What was a second of pain? Nothing, he figured. Nothing at all.

By now, the sun was rising over the horizon. More blues took over the sky than reds now, the birds songs becoming stronger.

"Um...Li-kun?"

Syaoran gave a silent curse and groan before titling his head to the left slightly to see the girl standing before him. But besides moving his head, he didn't shift his position – his hand still gripped his hair, his head still laid in his palm, his elbows were still on his knees.

Standing a few feet away was Kinomoto Sakura, the look of relief written across her face while worry was etched into her eyes. She was already dressed for the day, decked out in crisp light-washed boot-flared jeans and a blush-pink tee with an animated chibi penguin on it, the words above it saying_ 'chill'. _The shoes she wore were clean white-n-pink low cut chucks, now dirtied from standing in the garden's mulch. Around her neck she wore the same chain as the previous day.

When Syaoran didn't answer after a moment, Sakura stepped onto the stone path provided and made her way to the bench Syaoran sat on. She ignored the small groan she heard from him and sat down. Wanting to make sure he was alright, she sat on the opposite end of the bench and turned her knees toward him slightly so she could face him. Her hands folded together nervously, resting them on her thighs.

"Did you take a walk this morning then, Li-kun?" She asked lightly, smiling slightly.

Syaoran shrugged his shoulders, looking back down toward the tiny white pebbles under his feet. "How'd you find me?"

It was Sakura's turn to shrug. "I dunno...Matsumoto-kun just said that you weren't there when he woke up. You can't really run away, since you have no place to go, and you weren't in the cafe...So I figured you must have gone for a walk." She paused, as if in thought, then proceeded. "I checked here first though, because...Well, honestly, it's where I'd go if I wanted to get away."

"Who said I wanted to get away?" He mumbled, scoffing slightly.

"I'm not stupid," she told him. "I know how you feel. Everyone wants to get away, especially when they first come here. For me, the best place was the garden. I thought it was worth a shot to check, ne?"

Syaoran didn't answer. Sakura waited a few moments, hoping he'd say something – anything, really – but he didn't. She didn't let her disappointment show. It was only the first morning, after all. Even though the other few opened up to her easily, she was bound to get a tough puzzle sometime along the way. Just so happened this guy was it.

"Well," she sighed, standing back up and stretching her arms up toward the sky. She dropped her arms and smiled to him brightly, "breakfast is ready in the cafe. Let's go eat, hm?"

"No." He grumbled. "I'm not hungry."

Sakura frowned, her voice having an edge of sternness suddenly. "Li-kun, you have to eat."

"No I don't," he argued coldly. The tone he used should have frightened her.

Instead, Sakura merely frowned in confusion. She quickly went over her file in her mind, having spent the evening memorizing the key points in it. No where in it did it say about Li Syaoran having an eating disorder. He had skipped dinner the night before, too. Was there something more, besides his drug abuse?

She took a step closer, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder before quickly pulling it back. Biting her lower lip nervously, not knowing how to approach the subject, she quietly asked, "Li-kun...do you usually eat? Is this just...Are you just not hungry _now_? As in, you'll make sure to eat later?"

"What part of _I'm not hungry _**didn't** you understand?!" He growled, "I'm just not..." he suddenly paused and glanced up, catching her worried face. He gave a small groan and ground out between clenched teeth, "I'm not anorexic, idiot, alright? I'm just not hungry."

"I didn't say you were," Sakura said quickly. "I just have to make sure you eat. And since you didn't eat last night, either – "

"I'm. Fine." He growled darkly. "Now leave me alone. You're being a nuisance."

Sakura swallowed the mental slap he struck at her and shook her head with a soft sigh. "I can't do that, Li-kun. I'm here until you're ready to go home. And since I'm in charge of you," her voice suddenly was full of authority, "I'm saying you're going to go eat something. Now. Even if it's only an apple or a muffin."

Syaoran was caught off guard by her suddenly stern voice. His head snapped up to be met with her blazing emerald eyes. She almost didn't seem like the sickly-sweet girl he had met the day before, or even spoken to moments previously. She was suddenly acting strict, her eyes daring him to argue. Even with that, he opened his mouth to argue and quickly shut it. She was obviously not going to take no for an answer.

"You're going to eat," Sakura told him sternly. "Whether I have to drag you there and cram the food down your throat is up to you, though."

Syaoran's eyes narrowed. He didn't like the be threatened, and he didn't like to be caught off guard by anyone. Especially this annoying pest. "That could be considered harassment, Kinomoto."

"If it gets you to eat..." She trailed off with a shrug. "Personally, I'd prefer for you to come on your own will, but..."

Syaoran glowered at her for a moment longer, only to be met with her own little glare. Of course, he glare wasn't too intimidating. More like the glare from an angry kitten. But the tone behind her words sent a warning to his mind, telling him that she would be bringing him to the cafe one way or another.

With a curse under his breath, he stood up and shot daggers at her with his eyes as he stuffed his hands deep into his jean pockets. Sakura grinned triumphantly, extending an arm as if to say 'after you'. He grumbled something inaudible as Sakura walked behind him down the path from the garden and then beside him.

"Why do you even bother to try so hard," he muttered to her, not wanting to really speak. But the curiosity got the better of him. Why _was_ she trying to hard? It was obviously bugging him, so why couldn't she just leave him alone? "I mean, is it really your business if I so much as eat or not?"

"Of course it is," she told him sternly. "It's completely my business. My business to make sure you stay healthy."

"So, what? It's your _duty?_" He scoffed.

She shook her head, "No. I'm not getting paid for any of this, Li-kun. In fact, honestly, it'd be completely irresponsible of me, but I could just let go loose and do whatever. But I'm not going to," she added quickly.

"And why not?" He growled, suddenly angry with her. "Wouldn't it be easier on both of us if you just left me alone?"

Sakura ignored the second part and focused on his first question. "You want the honest answer, Li-kun? Why I won't just leave you alone?"

"God damn it! Yes!" He threw his hands up in the air, frustrated. "Can't wait to hear this amazing explanation!"

"Honestly..." she chewed her bottom lip, casting a sideways glance toward him. A small, timid smile passed her lips. "Because you remind me very much of myself, Li-kun."

* * *

**Author's Note: School...is...OUT! Meaning, my updates will be MUCH quicker. Especially since this story is my main focus. Updates will be weekly, unless something pops up. Let's pray nothing does LOL.**

**Also...for those who don't have me under Author Alert...I have a new story posted called **_**'Maneuver'**_**, which is being co-authored with swallowingtears (my EvilClonesRSmexy teammate, "Meiling"-chan). ---- ****SUMMARY:**_**Syaoran Li needs a bride - but he got more than he bargained for in Sakura Kinomoto, who has a dark but sexy secret. Can Syaoran resist this flower who has certain plans for him too?**_

**Please check out our new story; it's posted under my account. Don't worry...my main focus is still Ichidou, this is just a side project that we're working on together. I promise, it'll be AWESOME...especially with Meiling-chan's help ^.- LOL**

**Please leave a few words in a review!!!**

**xox, Riva**


	4. Chapter 3: Determined for Change

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Three – Determined for Change  
Song Choice - "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden_

_

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_

Syaoran had been at the camp for almost a week now. And he hadn't really changed. He was still cold and quiet, and if it wasn't for the fact that he was now eating every meal – though not much, he was eating nonetheless – Sakura would say he was the same boy that had entered the camp.

Yet no matter how hard she tried, he wouldn't open up to her. He was still quiet. He was still constantly giving her the cold shoulder. And he was still snapping at her – though she had to admit, it wasn't as much as he had the first couple of days.

Her first 'subject'...first kid assigned to her for help at Ichidou...was a boy who had been a year younger than her. He was a timid child, having been tossed into the world of drugs accidently. He told her his story during his second night there. The second person came a week later – a girl, a year older than Sakura. She was a snooty brat, but Sakura had her open up and had earned the older girl's trust by the end of the first week. They acted like best friends by the end of the second week. Her last partner before Syaoran was a boy only thirteen years old. His entire family were drug addicts. He was basically born into the world. It was his second cousin, who had been visiting from America and noticed the addiction in the family, who phoned and got help for the boy. His older brother and parents refused help, but the boy had a good head on his shoulders. His cousin brought him to Ichidou, knowing Fujitaka through school when they were younger. That boy was easy to unlock, too. He confided with Sakura all the time, always seeking her to a healthy rant, a nice talk, or simply for advice.

And here Syaoran was, the same age as her – only months apart – and his case was the closest to Sakura's she had had so far. Not the same, of course. In fact, she didn't even know the story behind his addiction. The only information his mother had given the camp was that there was a grieving in the family, and he hadn't been the same since. He took it badly and hasn't been the same since. That part, at least, seemed similar to hers. Somewhat, but not quite.

After all, Sakura had to have had abused drugs in her past to be volunteering at Ichidou. She didn't get the volunteering position because she was Kinomoto Fujitaka's daughter, after all. She got it because she was a 'cured' patient who had once had to attend the camp.

Of course, she tried not to look back on those years. Many had thought it a joke, that the camp's director's own daughter was a drug addict.

She could probably relate to the new kid, she had realized when she had offered to take him on as a partner.

And yes, that was right...Sakura had_ offered _to take Li Syaoran on. She had been taking cases on back to back since she had become a leader at Ichidou when she was seventeen years old. She managed school by going through with online courses and night classes. After all, her father would never allow her to remain on the team unless she kept up with her grades. After the thirteen year old boy felt safe enough and was clean enough to go back into the world and moved in with his cousin, Fujitaka had pulled Sakura into his office and told her that she needed to take a break. That it wasn't healthy for her to be doing all this back-to-back. Not even the older volunteers did that. She was to take a four to six month break from her work at the camp, and though she didn't want to, she agreed without argument. She wanted to help more, but knew not to argue with her father.

After few nights into her vacation, she had gone into her father's home office to retrieve some blank paper. She needed it to print something from her computer, but the main printer had run out of paper. She was walking out of the room when her eyes caught sight of a neon pink folder on her father's desk. She remembered that day clearly in her mind.

_Sakura chewed her bottom lip nervously as she edged toward the desk. She knew it was wrong to peek at the folder, since it had nothing to do with her, but the large yellow post-it note on the folder that read **EMERGENCY **in bold letters drew her to it. The registration for the next segment at the camp was done, so what was this? She rarely saw her father's writing so frantic like the word scribbled down on the sticky note. _

_She opened the folder to see registration forms and notes all through it. She quickly scanned it over, her eyes widening. No wonder the post-it was stuck to it...This boy, this Li Syaoran, was on his way to suicide if nothing was changed!_

"_Sakura?" _

_Her heart stopped as she looked up to see her father standing in the door way, frowning in disappointment. She swallowed hard._

"_Sakura, what are you doing going through my stuff?"_

_Sakura swallowed her guilt and closed the folder, then held it up. "I want to take this case."_

_Fujitaka sighed loudly, "Sakura, I know you want to help, but you need to take a break. You can't keep overloading yourself – "_

"_No," Sakura cut him off, surprising Fujitaka. She was never a rude child, even through her rough years. She was always polite. She had never cut him off before. Yet her eyes were solid, shining in determination. "No, dad, please...I have to take this case. I just...please? I promise to take my break after this one. I have to, daddy, please understand..."_

**b.K.d**

Kinomoto Sakura woke to the alarm clock blasting in her ear, the radio playing the song _Crash and Burn_ by one of her favourite bands. She rolled from her side to her back with a small groan, her arm hitching over her face to cover her eyes. She smiled as she listened to the soft, emotional lyrics.

"...When you feel all alone  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
You're caught in a one way street  
With the monsters in your head  
When hopes and dreams are far away and  
You feel like you can't face the day..."

She waited until the song ended, then quickly listened to the news and weather before rolling over again to turn it off. She sat up in bed, stretching up with a small mew and then jumped out of bed and rushed over to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

_Day six...it'll be better today, I know it!_ She thought with a determined voice.

The same determined voice as everyday.

**b.K.d**

Sakura and Syaoran had an agreement they had worked out only two days before – that they would meet in the mornings in the cafeteria. Syaoran was the one to suggest it, and Sakura hadn't wanted to say no to him. She wanted to make him feel comfortable, not suppressed or restricted. He needed to feel as at home as possible. Besides, he really had no where to go. Worse case scenario, he would just go to the bench again. And so, she agreed.

She waved him over to their usual table – a spot secluded from the rest of the cafe in the corner of the room. She saw him slouched over, his hands shoved angrily in his pocket as he wandered over. He took a seat on the opposite side of her. Sakura pushed the tray of food she had already picked up toward him. He looked at it for a moment, before grabbing the bowl of oatmeal and an apple from the tray. After a mouthful of the grey-looking slop, he grimaced and reached forward to take a sip of the cup of orange juice. He gave another small wince as the acid attacked his throat.

Sakura noticed this, but forced herself not to say anything. Instead, she smiled bright and greeted him. After all, if she was so determined to make today different, she might as well start off on the right foot instead of chiding him for his slight tardiness. "Good morning, Li-kun!"

He gave a small grunt, but didn't look up. "Morning, Kinomoto."

She grimaced inwardly, not liking the use of her surname. But at least he was greeting her with words now, instead of just the usual morning grunt. Perhaps there truly was hope for today? That made her smile slightly as she turned back to her blueberry bagel with strawberry-cream cheese. She quickly mowed it down, then began picking at the small bowl of grapes on the trap. Her eyes kept flicking up to Syaoran, who wasn't eating much. He would pick up a spoonful of oatmeal, then turn the spoon upside down and let it slop back into the bowl. He seemed incredibly tired, making Sakura worry.

"You have to eat, Li-kun," she chided softly.

He gave a small grunt and shrugged, ignoring her.

Sakura sighed. She didn't want to argue with her, so she decided on lightening the subject. "Well, I suppose I can see why you don't really want to eat it. I mean, it does look pretty nasty. Grey slop, and all," she crunched up her nose to show her reaction.

Syaoran looked up, a small smile wanting to spread across his lips when he saw her disgusted face. And he almost did, but caught himself in time and quickly pushed away the urge, feeling annoyed for almost letting down his guard. Sakura didn't seem to notice this slip. He had had a few near-slip ups for the past day or so. This girl was constantly getting him off guard, her bubbly attitude almost contagious. It was sickening. Part of him wanted to smile for her, to talk to her...And the other part – a stronger part – was telling him to keep his mouth shut and his face blank. He couldn't give in. Especially to this annoying pest!

His eyes narrowed on the irritating girl and a small growl erupted from his throat, "You don't have to look out for me, Kinomoto. I can take care of myself. We've been through this. And if I miss one meal, it's not a big deal. I've been eating, haven't I? I'm just not honestly hungry this morning."

"I know you've been eating," Sakura smiled, happy to get more than a grunt or one-syllable word from him. More than a single sentence, in fact. "But I'm not even too fond of this food. Actually, scratch that – I don't even think it _is _food."

"Whatever," Syaoran shrugged, beginning to play with his food again.

Sakura watched him for a few more minutes, lines of confusion scrunching up on her forehead. Why couldn't he even look at her? "Li-kun, do you want something else to eat if you don't want that then?" Sakura asked, trying to be friendly. "Maybe some eggs and bacon? It's not much better, still cafeteria food, but it's a bit better than that glop." When he didn't respond, she become genuinely concerned for the boy. "Please, Li-kun? You have to eat something. Maybe just eat that apple..."

He slammed his spoon down, somehow not attracting any attention from the others in the cafeteria, but at least got Sakura's full attention. His eyes were blazing with anger, as he had had enough of the girl's happy-go-lucky attitude. "Drop it, won't you, Kinomoto! Just drop it. I can take care of myself, damn it! I'm sick of this shit already! Fuck!"

Sakura was taken back, her eyes widened in both surprise and concern. She opened her mouth to say something, her eyes quickly softening, but he was too quick for her. He pushed back his seat abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor with an ugly sound, and he darted for the door.

Still, it stung. Like someone had slapped her in the face. She pulled her hands off the table and folded them on her lap, her gaze falling to her hands, making her bangs sweep in front of her eyes. She just wanted to reach out to him, to be a friend to him. He seemed so alone, so unattached to the world around him. He hadn't blown up this bad with her before. Not even the morning she found him in the garden. And since that day, though he wasn't opening up, he had been slightly more forgiving each day. Why did he suddenly erupt now?

And why wouldn't he let her in?

**b.K.d**

Syaoran slammed the door behind him with more force than intended, gasping for breath which was now shaken and ragged. And somehow he wasn't surprised to see his roommate sitting on his unmade bed, getting ready to light a joint. Syaoran had yet to see his assigned partner. Toshiro claimed his partner came later in the day, around ten or eleven. He had always wondered what the other boy did in his spare time between waking and pick-up.

Syaoran's eyes narrowed on him, anger building in his eyes again. The boy caught this, and flung up his hands in defence as if to show he was defenceless.

"Rough morning?" Toshiroasked with a smug smile. He looked over at the clock on the wall and chuckled, "It's not like you were out for long or anything."

"Shut it," Syaoran growled. The boy quickly did, but that didn't change Syaoran's mood. He stormed over to his bed and took a seat, grabbing fist-full of hair and pulling his head down between his knees. He closed his eyes, trying to regain his breath.

"Man, you seem p-oed. I don't think I've seen you so pissed," the boy mused quickly to himself with a sigh. "The Kinomoto girl that bad?"

Syaoran didn't answer, but opened his eyes and kept his gaze on the ground. His breathing had turned back to normal, but he was still angry and annoyed. He was going to go take a walk on the grounds, knowing that the Kinomoto girl would come get him sooner or later, but his instincts had brought him to his room. Now, seeing that Toshiro was in there, he regretted his decision.

"You know," Toshiro said, taking a deep breath of the drug in his hand. "I can tell you're on your edge. Why don't you calm down and join me in a smoke?"

Syaoran slowly looked up, looking confused over at the boy who was holding out the rolled up joint. He almost didn't accept it, but the smell of it made his throat burn and he suddenly felt the need to inhale it's poison. He gingerly took the join between his fingers and took a deep breath, closing his eyes in the process. Then he slowly exhaled in content, feeling his worries beginning to disappear.

"Better?" The boy asked with a small smirk.

Syaoran nodded, keeping his eyes closed and taking another deep draw of the drug. "I needed this. Thanks."

"Hey, anytime!" The boy smiled, giving a small wink. "We need to stick together."

Syaoran nodded, opening his eyes to take in another breath of the medicine when there was a soft but panicked knock from his door. He felt his heart freeze, and he had no time to react — to discharge the roll in his hand — before the door slowly creaked open.

"Li-kun, you were right," Sakura sighed, standing in the doorway, her eyes empathetic toward him. "I shouldn't butt in and push you like that. I'm sor..." she stopped, catching the scent in the air with wide eyes. Shaking, she looked over to Syaoran – really looked over – her eyes quickly narrowing in on the object between Syaoran's fingers.

"Li-kun!" She practically screamed, marching over to him and snatching the joint out of his fingers. She snapped it in half, her eyes narrowing dangerously on him with murderous eyes. She was beyond pissed, and Syaoran knew this. The look almost frightened him, and that was saying something. This look was definitely angrier and darker than the one he had seen days prior to, with their garden meeting.

He opened his mouth to explain, trying to think of something to say, when a voice cut him off.

"Oi, idiot!" Toshiro hissed angrily, his eyes on the two halves in Sakura's hands. "What do you think you're doing there?! Do you know how much I paid for that, bitch!"

Sakura's head whipped toward Toshiro, the murder in her eyes growing. She felt her jaw clench, and hands tightening on the small objects in her hands. With her jaw grinding, she ground out, "How did you get these in here?"

"Easy," the boy said smugly. "That father of yours has as much brain power as a two year old. No one checks bags before we head off to our rooms, so I simply packed them."

Sakura ground her jaw again, harder this time, her eyes scanning the room for where the rest would be hidden. Quickly, they narrowed on the drawer across the room, and stormed off in that direction, ignoring the protests Toshiro was giving about privacy. She angrily opened the drawer, grabbed the bag from inside. She didn't seem surprised as she stuffing the already broken joint she had into it and stormed off to the bathroom the two boys shared. Without a second thought, she flushed the bag and watched the contents swirl down the drain.

"Oi! You better give me the money back for those, Kinomoto!" Toshiro hissed angrily when Sakura walked back into the room.

Sakura's piercing emerald eyes looked over at the boy with anger. "I will not, Matsumoto-kun."

Then she turned to Syaoran, her eyes softening but only slightly. Not enough to make him feel forgiven. Why did he feel so guilty, anyway?, he wondered.

Without hesitation, Sakura grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him toward the door. It surprised her that he wasn't fighting back, because she knew that if he tried at all he could easily stop her. She was weak compared to him. It didn't take a genius to know that.

Without a look back, her jaw still clenched in anger, Sakura stormed out of the room with Syaoran right behind her in tow. She ignoring the look people were giving them and barged into her father's office unannounced.

Things were going to change. _Now_.

"Dad," Sakura said calmly – almost scary calmly – seeing his eyes wide with concern. It was obvious that he saw the anger burning in his daughter's eyes. Her hand tightened on Syaoran's wrist, jerking it toward him slightly. "I'd like to request that Li-kun stays with me this month."

Both men's eyes widened in shock at her demand.

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**Author's Note: If you came over from Rai-chan, you'll recognize the second half of this chapter ^.-**

**I update quick!! LOL...I didn't even expect myself to get this finished so quickly. Having basically the last half of his already done was a help though. Next update won't be quite so fast, as I still have to figure out what's going toe exactly happen. I know what'll basically take place, but not all the more minor details. Maybe just after next Monday-ish, Canadian time? I'll try for that, maybe aim for earlier.**

**Please leave a review!! I'm kind'a sad to see how little of a response there is to this. Even if it's just a few quick words, I'd really appreciate the small amount of time it takes for a review ^.^ Please?????**

**xox, Riva**


	5. Chapter 4: Moving In

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Four – Moving In

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_

_Song Choices_

_– "Angel Standing By" by Jewel (...I know, OLD song. I'll be pleasantly happy if anyone has either A) Heard of Jewel...or B) Heard the song before ^.^ But I can see this working for/from Syaoran's mysterious woman's point of view.)  
– "Crawling" by Linkin' Park

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_

Sakura set Syaoran's bag on the floor of the small living room, sighing to herself. She turned to the amber eyed boy behind her, and forced a small smile. "Sorry for all this Li-kun. There's no other rooms available in the building, so I figured it'd be best this way." Then she scrunched up her nose, though her eyes flamed up with anger, "I don't like that boy...He's a bad seed, and it won't help you at all."

Syaoran looked up at for her for one fleeting second, his eyes softening for a split moment. "You're_...really..._worried about me?"

"Of course I am," Sakura said sincerely, a sweet smile spreading across her lips. "This is what I've been trying to tell you. I'm your friend, Li-kun."

Syaoran opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it. He looked away, feeling her gaze linger on

him, and tensed up his fists beside him to keep himself from saying anything else. He didn't want to be friends with her. He just wanted to survive his time in the rehab camp and go home.

"I have a spare room," Sakura continued, worried by how quickly he had adverted his eyes away from her. "But I only moved in here a few weeks ago and the room is full of boxes and junk." She glanced down at her watch, "Well, it's just after noon now, so I can get started on the room now. With your help, I'm sure it can be cleared out by tonight, and we can furnish it tomorrow."

"That's fine," he shrugged quietly.

Sakura led him into the living room and placed his bag down onto the floor by the couch. She looked back and smiled apologetically, "You'll have to sleep on the couch tonight. Sorry, but it's the only place I can offer you until tomorrow."

"Fine," he shrugged again. He gave a quick look around the room and frowned. How the girl was going to accompany two people living in the small area was a wonder to him. The living room and dinning room were attached, the carpet of the living room and the tile of the dinning room only separated by a small metal plate. A wall seemed to divide the living room and kitchen, an open window cut out in the wall to show into the other room. Leading away from the living room, straight from the door, was a hall. He presumed it led to the bedrooms and bathroom.

He turned to Sakura, noticing that she had been watching him the whole time he had been inspecting the place. He made himself not care about that. "Should we get to work then? You said you wanted this done by tonight, right?"

Sakura gave a shocked look, but quickly cleared it away. She smiled at him and nodded, "Yeah, sure. If you'll just follow me..." She led him toward the hall, pointing out the specifics as she went along. The first door in the hall was a hall-closet where she kept towels and linen. Beside that, the bathroom. At the very end of the hall was her bedroom, and the door across from the bathroom..., "And this will be your room."

She opened the door, motioning with her arm for him to step in. He eyes her almost warily before stepping through the door. She stepped in behind him, flicking on the light behind them.

_Fuck,_ he cursed mentally as he eyed the room, _she wasn't kidding with the boxes._

Boxes – some opened while others were still sealed – were scattered throughout the room, some by themselves while others were in piles. In the far corner, the pile of boxes almost reached the ceiling. How the tiny girl had managed to reach all the way up there was beyond Syaoran, however. There weren't only cardboard boxes, but also various colours and sizes of plastic tote boxes. There was obviously a lot of work that had to be done. He couldn't imagine finishing before the day ended, even with the two of them working together.

A giggle beside him alerted Syaoran that Sakura had moved up from behind him. She was eyeing him, her eyes dancing. "Yeah, sorry...I warned you there was a lot of boxes. I kind'a needed the storage and, quite frankly, I've been both too lazy and too busy to find homes for any of this stuff."

Syaoran felt the urge to roll his eyes at her, but pushed it away. Why he forced himself to ignore the urge, however, was beyond him. He didn't understand it at all.

"Well," Sakura sighed loudly, clasping her hands together and rubbing them furiously. "We should get to work, I suppose. Ne, Li-kun?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," he mumbled and moved forward. He went to the closest box, the top still taped up with the heavy duty clear packing-tape. The words on the top of the box said **WINTER **in big, bold black permanent marker. He frowned at the tape, wanting to ask for a knife or something, but didn't actually _want _to at the same time. He was stubborn that way.

Yet a moment later, a Swiss-Army knife was suddenly hanging in the air by his shoulder. He looked over to see Sakura handing it to him, a small smile on her lips. But he noticed a change to the smile. It was almost...timid? He frowned, confused at both her smile and her kindness – then again, when wasn't he confused by her kindness? – and slowly took the object from her. He eyed it for a bit, turning it over in his hands. Finally, he spoke so lowly part of him hoped she wouldn't hear, "Nice."

"It's very important to me," she said softly. Syaoran, caught off guard by her shift in emotion, peered up ever so slightly to look at her face. Her eyes were darkened slightly, less life-less and more dull than before. Some part of him wanted to reach out to her, ask what was wrong. Instead, he turned his attention back to the object in his hands.

"Must have cost a small fortune," he mumbled. "It's top of the line, very fine craftsmanship. An original. My father had one like this."

She didn't say anything. Instead, looked at him for a moment longer before exiting the room. She quietly closed the door behind her, leaving Syaoran looking back in confusion. A tiny, faint voice was begging him to see if she was alright. Though he ignored it. And, refusing to dwell on it, he turned back to the box in front of him.

**b.K.d**

Sakura quietly closed the door behind her, then rushed toward the bathroom across the hall. She closed the door behind her and leaned her back against the door, then slowly slide down toward the floor. She placed her elbows on her raised knees, fisting her hair in her hands tightly as she looked downwards. She slammed her eyes closed, taking deep breaths.

_Damn it!_ She cursed mentally, scolding herself. _This is ridiculous, Kinomoto! It's been six years, for crying out loud! Get over it! You can't help Li-kun unless you're stable yourself. You haven't had a meltdown for years....Why now? Why?!_

She took a few more deep breaths, calming herself, then slowly opened her eyes. In her immediate line of vision was her wrist, an array of different bracelets decorating it. A few bangles, a hemp bracelet with seashells braided into it, a links charm bracelet...

She closed her eyes again, feeling the room spin slightly. After a few more calming breaths, she let go of her hair and let her arms fall to her side. Then she lifted her head and opened her eyes, her dulled eyes slowly gaining life in them again. She let out a long breath and leaned back, letting her head hit the door with a small _thud_.

Not really thinking about her actions, she lifted a hand to her chest, her fingers quickly finding the small silver charm hanging on her neck. Trembling only slightly, she began fidgeting with it; rolling it between her fingers, squeezing it, simply holding it. Her eyes, though no longer dulled, were now slightly glazed over as she stared at the wall across from her.

"Why did I give him that knife?" She mused. "I don't let anyone use it...Not even Tomoyo-chan. Heck, no one has _seen _that knife for five years now." She paused and took a deep breath, then slowly let it go. She lowered her voice to no one in particular, "Please, help me help him. He needs it so badly. I'm so scared for him. I truly want to help him, but he..." she stopped and sighed, "Help him open up to me, please? I need him to trust me. I need to help him...help him in the way I couldn't help you."

She closed her eyes and paused, a sad smile coming across her lips. Softly, so softly it was scarcely a whisper, she said every so clearly; "I love you."

She waited one more moment before pulling herself up off the ground and opened the door, ready to face the world once more.

**b.K.d**

Syaoran sighed, frustrated, once he got the first box open. It was only a box of clothes – winter clothes. What the hell was he supposed to do with that?! He sighed and pushed the box away, turning to the next closest object. A neon green tote box, about as high as his knee and as wide as one arm span. He carefully placed the Swiss-Army knife into his pocket, not wanting to lose it – after all, it seemed precious to the girl. Although, if it was so precious, why did she trust _him _with it? He knelt before the tote box and opened it up, expecting more clothes. After all, didn't girls have multiple closets full of clothes? His three sisters did, so it wouldn't surprise him if this Kinomoto girl was the same.

Instead, the box was filled with notebooks. The cheap school subject notebooks one may buy at a dollar-store, with the marbled white-and-black thick covers and black glued spine. On each visible cover, in the box in the centre of the cover, on the line for SUBJECT were dates. Usually a few days at a time.

As if in a trance, Syaoran picked up the first notebook and touched its cover. It said May 6th – May 10th. Four days.

He knew it was wrong. Hell, there was a voice screaming at him in the back of his mind to put the book back and place the lid back on, and pretend he saw nothing. Instead, he cracked open the book to a random page and picked a stray place to start reading. In Sakura's elegant handwriting, he read:

_.....Nakuru-nee-san says I'm doing well, despite my meltdown last week. She thinks I should be okay to go home in a few weeks. I'm...scared to go home. What will Onii-chan think of me? He hasn't come to see me yet here yet. And Daddy must be so disappointed in me. He comes to see me every once in a while, and during visitation day of course. But I also understand that he can't see me more than he does the other people in Ichidou. It'd be a conflict of interest; favouritism._

_Part of me wishes I could have changed my path. Then Daddy and Onii-chan wouldn't hurt so much. But if things HAD gone differently, then I would never have met......_

"Wh-What are you...?"

Syaoran dropped the notebook from his hands, it landing back into the box smoothly. He whipped around to see Sakura standing at the door, her hand still on the handle as her wide eyes took in the scene. She seemed to be...trembling? Her eyes didn't seem angry, though, like Syaoran would have thought. Instead, they seemed worried. Scared, even.

She looked down toward the ground, away from Syaoran. Her voice seemed to be quivering, "Can you just...please leave that box alone?"

"I-I didn't mean to – " He quickly began, feeling guilty for the first time in...forever, it seemed.

"I know," she swiftly cut him off. She slowly looked up and offered a smile, though it was all wrong. It was shaky and fake. "I know you didn't mean it. Just...I'll put that box away. Please leave it there."

Syaoran nodded, unable to choke out an apology. The fact that he had the small urge to actually _say _the words 'I'm sorry' was astonishing. Shocked him, even.

But he couldn't say it.

So instead, he closed the lid and moved to a cardboard box labelled **NICKNACKS**. They worked in almost silence for the remainder of the afternoon and most of the evening, the only words being shared when Syaoran needed to know where something went. Besides that, even Sakura was silent.

For some reason, her silence worried Syaoran.

**b.K.d**

"Yatta!" Sakura sighed as she placed the broom up against the wall, holding the full dustpan in her hands. She grinned as her eyes grazed through the now empty room, completely cleaned up with no more boxes in sight. Everything was put away where it should be, and she had even found a pair of old plain curtains to hang in the window. Currently, they were flapping in the soft summer breeze. She turned back to Syaoran, who was standing in the doorway. She grinned, "We did it! And it's not _too_ too late, ne?"

He shrugged, his eyes looking around the room instead of at her. "I suppose not."

She slipped past him out the door and down the hall to the kitchen. She opened the small door below the sink to find a small garbage, where she dumped the remains of the dustpan in. She clipped the dustpan to the broom and set it up against the wall beside her fridge, then turned to Syaoran who had followed her. She glanced at the clock on the stove. "Well, it's only seven. A bit late, yes, but we can still make something for dinner. You must be sick of that cafeteria food – I know I am. What'cha in the mood for, Li-kun?"

Again, he shrugged. "I'm really not that hung – "

"You're eating," Sakura said sternly, her eyes narrowed angrily on him. "You barely touched breakfast and we both skipped lunch. You have to eat some dinner."

Syaoran narrowed his eyes back on her, but bit his tongue from arguing and turned back to the living room. He flicked on the television and sat back against the couch, quickly flicking through the channels until he sighed, irritated, and stopped on a news broadcast.

Sakura watched him for a moment with a tiny frown, then went into the kitchen to make a quick dinner. She quickly went through the food she had stashed in the fridge, trying to think of the fastest thing she could possibly make. Finally, she decided on a quick vegetable stir-fry with soba noodles.

She quickly chopped up some shallots, garlic and fresh ginger and added it to the heated oil on the stove, mixing it quickly for a few seconds before adding the broccoli. On her way to grab the soba from a cupboard, she grabbed the phone and quickly dialled a familiar number. On the second ring, the person on the other line picked up.

"Moshi-moshi?"

Sakura smiled, resting the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she filled a pot with water. "Tomoyo-chan! So glad I caught you...I thought you had plans with Eriol-kun tonight?"

The girl on the other end of the phone sighed, "I did...But poor Eriol has fallen ill. I was actually just finishing up a chicken soup for him. I'm heading over soon."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sakura said quickly as she added the next bout of vegetables to the pan – savoy cabbage, red peppers, carrot and fresh bean sprouts. "If you need to go, I can – "

"No, no," Tomoyo cut her off, sounding upbeat. "No worries. I have to find a container for the soup, anyway. Why did you call, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura brought her voice down, "Okay, don't get all protective, but I brought home someone from Ichidou..."

"Oh, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo sighed loudly, sounding almost sad. Sakura bit her lower lip, already knowing what was coming. "Is that such a good idea? I don't doubt your father in the least, but having your term partner around all the time like that may not be such a grand idea. What happens if things get out of control? No one is around to help you. He could hurt you, Sakura-chan. This can be dangerous, for both of you. He's not in the camp; he's closer to actual daily-life now. Closer to the world that place is trying to save him from. The camp is isolated so that they can have a fighting chance of getting better without the distractions of the actual world – "

"I know all this, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said a bit tersely. She gave a small sigh and calmed her rising anger, "I know all this...But...the camp wasn't the best place for him, either. Look, I can't get into it and you know it. It's all confidential – between me, Li-kun and my father. I just need your help."

There was a tiny pause, as if Tomoyo was thinking things through, before she finally let out a long sigh. A sign of her giving in. "Fine, what can I help with?"

"I need help getting things for the spare room," Sakura dove in. "Dad gave me some money to furnish the room for him, but I refused to take too much from him. It was my decision to bring Li-kun here, so I'll take full responsibility."

"And you'll take full responsibility even if things end badly?" Tomoyo whispered, making Sakura's breath catch in her throat. "Sakura-chan, that could very well be a possibility. He may not get better while being surrounded by the normal population. And then you – "

"I'm _fine_, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura cut her off sharply. "And I don't appreciate the comment about 'normal population'. There is nothing _abnormal _about Li-kun or myself or anyone else like us."

"I didn't mean it offensively," Tomoyo quickly said, sounding remorseful. "I apologize."

"Apology accepted," Sakura sighed. Tomoyo had been the person most obverse to Sakura's addiction and didn't take it well during what was known currently between their friends as _'the incident'_. Tomoyo, though now a bit over protective of Sakura, was one of the people who had pushed for her to get better so much. The girl didn't want anything to happen to her best friend/sister again, and for that, Sakura understood where she was coming from with her concern. "Anyway, getting back on the reason why I called you...Tomoyo-chan, I'm on a tight budget but I need to get things for the spare room. You know – bed, dresser, mirror...the essentials. And you're the shopping fiend. Any way you think you can find a good sale or two for me?"

"Oh silly Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said, sounding a bit happier. Though Sakura knew she was making an effort to make it so, since she knew the ordeal of having a kid from Ichidou staying with her was still bugging her friend. "You know I can. What type of shopper would I be if I couldn't find good deals? I'll go tomorrow when the stores open and stop by your place before dinner with what I've found. Sound good?"

Sakura breathed out a sigh of relief and smiled, "Yeah, thanks Tomoyo-chan. That sounds great. I'll let you go so you can get to Eriol-kun. Give him a hug for me and tell him to get better for m – "

"Just hold on a second there, hun," Tomoyo scolded gently, in a joking tone. Sakura paused, confused. "Now you have to tell me... Is this _Li-kun_ cute? Perhaps even hot?"

Sakura's face was aflame, "T-Tomoyo-chan! That isn't..." she suddenly paused, her stomach clenching as she heard a loud bang come from the living room. She dropped the wooden spoon she had been using to spin the stir-fry with and rushed to the other room, clutching the phone to her chest. Sakura stifled a gasp with the scene she was met by.

Syaoran was kneeling on the floor between the couch and coffee table, his one hand holding a tight grasp on the cushion of the couch while his other was wrapped stiffly around his stomach. Even from where she stood, Sakura could see that his whole body was trembling violently.

"Tomoyo-chan, I have to go!" She practically yelled frantically into the phone before hanging up and throwing it onto the counter. Hell, she didn't even know if she hit the counter. It may have fallen onto the floor for all she knew. Like hell if she cared though.

Sakura dropped onto the floor beside him, her one hand flying up to his forehead to feel for a fever while the other went to his back for comfort. "Li-kun! Hey, Li-kun...What's wrong?"

In the background, Sakura could vaguely hear the television; _"...this opening of an oncology floor here at Tomoeda Hospital, we'll finally have the equipment needed to treat most cancers without having to send patients to Tokyo. We also hope to be opening a paediatrics corridor, for focus on children as well as..."_

"Li-kun!" Sakura screamed, almost hysterical when he didn't answer and instead clutched his stomach harder. She could feel the cold sweat across his forehead as she pushed back his dark bangs, though his skin felt white-hot. She placed a hand under his chin to lift it toward hers, seeing his eyes shut tightly closed. His face was paled, with a tinge of green. "LI-KUN!"

Syaoran jerked his head away from her and gagged loudly, throwing up bright yellow bile. Sakura felt herself become queasy, never being good around vomit, but swallowed down the spit growing in her mouth and soothed Syaoran's back, whispering soothing words to him softly. When he was done, her hand paused and she lowered his head down toward his slightly.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly, her voice laced with heavy concern. "Perhaps you should lie down."

"I-I'm fine," he said hoarsely with a shudder. "J-J-Just leave me b-be."

"Not a chance," she whispered with a sad smile. She stood up, grasping his upper-arm as she did so and gently pulled him up to his feet. He wavered, but she quickly placed a hand on his back and stabilized him. She began pulling him toward the hallway, "Come on – you can sleep in my room tonight and I'll take the couch. The bed is much more comfortable, and you'll be closer to the bathroom if you're feel sick again."

He didn't argue and let her lead him to her bedroom. She pushed him back into bed and quickly fled, returning with a cool damp cloth from the bathroom. She dabbed it across his forehead, wiping away the cold sweat that had collected. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, making her smile. At least she was doing _something_ right with him.

"Something must be going around," Sakura mused quietly, not wanting to disturb him. "My friend is sick, too. And you haven't eaten anything today, so it's nothing you ate..."

"Its nothing," he mumbled, unable to admit how nice the cool cloth felt against his heated skin. "Don't worry about it."

"Of course I worry about it," she sighed. "You're sick; I'm going to worry." She stood back up, leaving the cloth laying on his forehead and smiled sadly down at him, "Call me if you need anything, 'kay?"

Syaoran let out a long sigh, but besides that, didn't acknowledge her offer. Letting Sakura leave the room and close the door behind her, leaving it open a crack. She cleaned up his vomit before rushing back into the kitchen and groaned angrily at realizing her destroyed burned dinner, having forgotten it on the stove. She quickly threw it out, grumbling to herself. She pulled out two slices of bread, the jar of peanut butter and a jar of strawberry jam to make herself a quick sandwich instead.

This was one hell of a first night, that was for sure.

**b.K.d**

Syaoran watched through slit-opened eyes as Sakura quietly walked out of the room, leaving the door open a fraction of an inch. He sighed longingly as he pulled the cloth off his forehead and threw it onto the beside-table and rolled onto his side with a soft groan. He clutched his stomach and closed his eyes, curling into a tight ball.

"_Tonight's special – an interview with the Tomoeda Hospital's Dean of Medicine, Dr. Yue Moon" The news interviewer turned to a man standing beside her, with long silver hair and a very cold looking face. He definitely fit the whole doctor aspect, Syaoran thought bitterly. The interviewer smiled warmly, "Tell me, doctor, we've all been dying to lean about the changes that were made to the hospital. Can you tell us what can be expected at the Grand Re-Opening tomorrow?"_

_The doctor nodded stiffly, "Yes, we're opening up many new wings and are, obviously, expanding our hospital to accommodate more needs for our patients. The main focus will be the new oncology wing, which takes up a whole floor itself..."_

Syaoran groaned again and held his stomach tighter, feeling another wave of nausea pass through him. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, making black spots appear behind his eyelids.

_New oncology wing..._ The words circled his mind relentlessly, almost angrily. Making him dizzy. _New oncology wing...Oncology..._

He gasped as he swallowed the bout of vile in his throat and eased his form slightly, letting his eyes slowly open. He was met with the window, the curtains drawn back to reveal the dark night sky. The moon shone brightly, the small dots of stars sprinkled through the sky and beaming luminously.

For anyone else, it would bring a small amount of comfort. In fact, it would have done that for Syaoran as well, once upon a time. No more, though. And he had his reasons why.

His lasts thoughts before sleep took over his tired form were whispered through the still dark room, too quiet to be caught in anything but the air.

"I'm sorry..."

He fell into a restless sleep. Again.

* * *

**Author's Note: See? Updates won't take terribly long ^.- And this chapter is extra-long, too! By a whole thousand words!! LOL**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!!! I was absolutely ASTOUNDED by the input I got last chapter. I went from having 3 reviews for chapter two, to gaining 18 more reviews all together. WOW!!! Thank you SO much everyone. I can't tell you how much that all means to me. I've been really worried about this story, since it wasn't mine to begin with. So thank you SO SO SOOOO much for all your loving support ^.^ Please, keep it coming in!**

**Next chapter has already been started, so the update will hopefully be by Monday, though no promises. If I'm lucky, I'll get a majority of it done today as I'm home all today ^.^**

**Ohh! And Happy (belated) Canada's Day, eh! Or Happy Dominion Day... whichever you call it ^.- I take either one.**

**Please leave a review!! Even if it's only a few words ^.^**

**xox, Riva**

**--- Just a quick note...on my profile I have links to my Twitter page and LiveJournal page. If you have either, or both, please add me. Especially with LJ...I frequently add previews of the chapters and notes that may interest you. **

_Next Chapter (have JUST realized I haven't been doing this for you guys! EEP! Gomen gomen!!): Tomoyo's coming to help furnish the bedroom, so what will she think of Li Syaoran? And Sakura's about to take a step with Syaoran... But will he retaliate?_


	6. Chapter 5: Friends and Nightmares

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Five – Friendship and Nightmares_

_Song Choice  
– "__New Divide" by Linkin' Park_

_

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_

Syaoran lay in bed, his arm strewn across his eyes as he breathed through his nose. Whenever he tried to breathe through his mouth, the burning and parch just worsened. It was early in the morning; too early even for the sun to rise. He wanted to get up and grab a glass of water from the kitchen, but decided against it. He could survive a few more hours, right?

A few hours later, he heard the door creek open. He stiffened, moving his arm slowly off his eyes and turned his head toward the door. Sakura have him a shaky smile as she walked in, holding a mug close to her. Immediately, Syaoran's nose were hit with the sweet scent of peppermint, making the burning in his throat worsen and water at the same time.

She took a hesitant seat on the very edge of his bed and held out the mug, "I made you some tea. Mint is best for the upset stomach, since it eases it."

Syaoran wanted to be angry; he wanted to shove it away, or knock it out of her hand, and lie that he didn't like the tea. Her kindness wanted to anger him, but for some reason, it couldn't. Instead, he sat up and gently took the mug from her hand, sighing at the warmth it brought to his chilly fingertips. He mumbled a thanks, making her smile, before taking a sip of the drink. His eyes widened.

"What kind is this?" He asked, wide eyed and pleasantly shocked. "It tastes like mint, but..."

Sakura grinned, "It is, but it's a green tea with mint leaves added. That way, you have all the nutrients green tea has, with the soothing taste of mint. Smart, ne?"

Syaoran merely nodded and took another sip, actually enjoying the flavour. He could taste the distinct nectar of the Japanese green tea, but at the same time the wondrous taste of peppermint. He could tell she added some sugar, too, to sweeten it. Such a kind gesture, he realized, though didn't want to admit it. And even though his stomach was no longer 'upset', it was soothing.

"I was going to make breakfast," Sakura spoke as if they were in conversation, as if they were the best of friends. She smiled to him, "But, with you being sick and all, I think you'll have to be on the B.R.A.T diet today."

Syaoran frowned, "Brat diet?"

"Yes, brat," Sakura smiled. She spelt it out, "B-R-A-T. It stands for_ Banana Rice Applesauce Toast_...It's the basic guidelines to what's alright to eat when you're stomach is upset. The food in that brat diet won't upset your stomach any farther." She paused, then added with a small smile, "My dad taught me that. It actually works. And I think I have some bananas in the fridge, if you want to try that. That's easy on your stomach."

Syaoran had to repress a smirk wanting to appear on his lips – B.R.A.T diet... Cute. Instead, he kept his cold poker face on and nodded once, "Yeah, okay. Sure...I'll try that."

Sakura grinned as he handed her back the empty mug, then stood up. "I brought your bag in here before I went to bed last night, so if you'd like to change you can. Sleeping in jeans must not have been comfortable, ne?"

He looked down to see he was, indeed, still fully dressed and sighed. "Yeah, thanks...I'll come out soon."

Sakura nodded in understanding and turned to leave, pausing at the doorway to turn back for a moment. "I called my friend last night to help me furnish your room. She'll be here around three this afternoon to drop off everything, and then she'll stay to help set-up. Is that alright?"

Syaoran frowned – why was she asking him? Like it was his business. "Sure, whatever."

Sakura grinned, "Great! See you in a bit. Feel free to use the shower."

She bounced out of the room then, leaving Syaoran to his disarrayed thoughts.

**b.K.d**

Just minutes before three, the buzzer to the apartment went off, alerting Sakura to someone wanting in. She went to the intercom, smiling, "Hey Tomoyo-chan, come on up!"

A few moments later, Sakura was opening the door and in entered an elegant young lady beautiful enough to be a model. She had long wavy lavender hair pinned up in a messy yet graceful bun and startling violet-blue eyes. Her skin seemed flawless, like the porcelain on a China doll, and her body was lithe yet with height; perhaps two or three inches taller than Sakura.

Sakura threw her arms around Tomoyo, pulling her into a hug. "Tomoyo-chan! Thank you _so_ much. I owe you a huge shopping trip in Tokyo."

"Silly girl," Tomoyo giggled, pulling away. "You don't owe me anything. Although, that shopping trip is very tempting..." she paused and looked over Sakura's shoulder to see Syaoran standing back, keeping his distance. He seemed uncomfortable, as if he were out of place. Tomoyo grinned and walked toward him, careful not to get too close into his personal bubble. "And you must be Li-kun, am I right?"

Syaoran frowned, then looked away and nodded, "Yeah, and you're...Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo grinned and nodded, "Yep!" She turned back to Sakura who was closing the door. "Sakura-chan, Eriol's going to be here any minute. He followed me in his truck to bring everything here. But I think he got caught in traffic...I lost him somewhere on the main street..."

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura sighed, her eyes worrisome. "Eriol-kun is sick! I didn't want you to pull him out of bed or leave the house when he's not feeling well..."

"No, no," Tomoyo quickly cut her off, smiling warmly. "He offered to come. In fact, I begged him to stay home. But he said he was fine and wouldn't give in, so, I gave."

Not a second later, the intercom beeped again and Tomoyo rushed over, pressing the button and told Eriol that she'd be down to help him. Sakura followed, instructing Syaoran to keep the door open for them. After a few trips up and down the stairs, the living room was filled with boxes of furniture waiting to be put together, along with a new double-sized mattress.

Sakura scoffed once everything was laid out in the living room, "Tomoyo-chan! I told you I was on a budget!"

"Oh, phhst!" Tomoyo waved her hand in dismissal, earning a chuckle from Eriol. "You know the both of us would have turned it into a spare bedroom, eventually. And I would have taken over buying everything. I still found deals – I didn't go to designer stores – but I just didn't find deals how _you'd _define 'a deal'."

"Let me guess," Sakura sighed. "You made another visit to Ikea?"

"The one and only!" Tomoyo giggled happily. "You know how obsessed I am with that store. They have the more interesting things!

"Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura scolded. "That's too much – "

"Now, stop arguing with me and let's get this place set up!" The other girl cut her off.

Eriol chuckled and stepped forward, "Alright, so Li-kun here and I can start putting the bed frame together while you ladies start getting the smaller pieces of furniture together, deal?" The girls nodded enthusiastically as Eriol turned to Sakura sternly, "Watch my girl with the powertools, alright? Don't need another incident..."

Tomoyo threw back her head and groaned, making Sakura snicker, "One time, Eriol..._One time! _Geez, Sakura is more prone to accidents than I am, and yet the one mistake I make..."

"Yes love," Eriol agreed, "But Sakura-san here has been taught how to use powertools and you, I'm afraid, have not." He turned to Syaoran who had his eyebrows scrunched together confusedly, "You see, last summer, Sakura-san and I were making fun of Tomoyo because she's such a girly-girl, and to put a stop to it, Tomoyo decided to do something un-girly, sort to speak. I had to help my friend build a new shed for his parents, so she decided to tag along and help. Long story short, I had to rush her to emerg."

"One mistake!" She stomped her feet, making Sakura laugh hard. She pouted, "Won't you let it go?"

He chuckled and went to Tomoyo, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to his chest. He kissed her nose, smirking, "Aww, Tom-Tom-chan, don't be like that. I find that accident very endearing, even if it did give me a heart-attack at the time."

She pouted, "But you make fun of me for it."

Eriol grinned and swooped down for a chaste kiss, "But that's _because_ I find it so utterly adorable."

Tomoyo tinged pink, though it was only noticeable since it was such a contrast against her papery pale skin. Before she could respond, Sakura interrupted them with a loud clap of her hands, "Okay! We should get started now. I don't want to be at this all night, ne?"

Eriol chuckled and pulled away with a final kiss to Tomoyo's forehead, then grabbed the end of the bed-frame's box and raised an eyebrow to Syaoran, "We can bring this straight to the room. The girls can work out here."

Syaoran moved without a word to pick up the other end of the box, then turned around to lead him through the small apartment to the bedroom. Eriol immediately broke open the box and began pulling out bags of screws and the frame's parts, reading over the directions to get a good handle on what to do. Syaoran took a seat on the floor across from Eriol, looking over the different kind bags of screws, each one numbered differently.

"Soo..." Eriol began, eventually breaking the silence when they were about halfway done the frame. "You're living here? May I ask what brought this on?"

Syaoran stiffened, his guard going up. "You may..." He glanced to Eriol who had raised a thin eyebrow. "But I won't answer."

Eriol let out a harsh sigh, "Then I won't press you to answer. But, I have to warn you...And even if Sakura-san's wasn't Tomoyo's cousin I would be saying this...Sakura is a very special girl and she's like family to me. So if you hurt her in any way – "

"I don't appreciate your assumption," Syaoran growled. "And I won't hurt her. Hell, we barely even talk."

"I wasn't assuming anything," Eriol quickly clarified. "I would be saying this to anyone rooming with Sakura-san – "

"But you're making sure to say this to me because of my problems, right?" Syaoran spat between a tensed jaw. Eriol frowned and opened his mouth, but Syaoran swiftly cut him off, "Save it; I know how these things work."

"Just as you do not like people assuming things about you, I do not like people assuming things on me," Eriol gave a small, friendly smile. "I didn't say that because of any 'problems' you may have. If anything, I couldn't care less what you're going through. I wouldn't say anything because of any issue you may have, because Sakura-san has gone through hell and back herself. After seeing her go through that, struggle and overcome that, I couldn't possibly..." He shook his head and sighed, "Li-kun, like I said, I would have forewarned _anyone _staying with Sakura-san. She's very...special, to us."

Internally, Syaoran scoffed. He couldn't see Kinomoto Sakura going through, as Eriol put it, _hell and back_. That just seemed impossible with her cheery self.

"Oh, you'd be surprised."

Syaoran snapped his attention back up to Eriol, colouring when he realized he had said his thoughts aloud. He looked back down to his work, trying to pretend that he hadn't heard Eriol. Unfortunately, the guy kept going.

"You should talk to her," Eriol murmured. "I'm sure she'd tell you what happened. You'd be surprised...Yes, she's smiley and cheery, but she went through hell and still battles with it everyday of her life, though she won't admit to that. But," he offered a small smile, even though Syaoran appeared to be ignoring him, "I have a feeling she'll tell you. She...seems to care for you."

Syaoran's head shot up, his eyes narrowed. Snarling, he glowered at Eriol, "And why do you think that?"

"I didn't mean care for you romantically," Eriol quickly reassured him. "I just mean that she cares for you, like a friend should. She's never gone through this much effort to help someone from Ichidou. She's never gone to the extent of bringing the person from camp to her own house. That was huge. I was shocked when Tomoyo told me what she did last night."

"She's not my friend," Syaoran looked away again, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Oh? You don't think?" Eriol inquired.

"No."

Eriol gave a small chuckle as he went back to his work, "Well, Li-kun...That's not what I see."

**b.K.d**

Syaoran helped Sakura with the dishes after dinner, their silence an uncomfortable one, though neither tried to break it. Tomoyo and Eriol had stayed for an early dinner, then had to leave since Eriol had work the next morning while Tomoyo was taking some summer courses at her university and happened to have one in the morning.

When the dishes were done, Sakura was about to suggest a movie when Syaoran turned and left the room.

"I'm going to bed early," he mumbled before slipping into the hall. Sakura heard the door close, then sighed and drained the sink of its dirty contents. She turned off the lights and headed off toward her bedroom, deciding to crash early as well; it was only eight o'clock.

She paused at Syaoran's door, at least proud of all the work they got done. He had a beautiful dark HOPEN bed-frame, with the colour scheme of oriental red and white. He had a bedside table, chest of drawers and small desk that all went back to match the HOPEN design one way or another. If anything, the bedroom now resembled Sakura's to a degree – she, too, had the HOPEN bedroom set. Except her colours were rose-pink, white and turquoise blue. That, and she had her room more inviting as it was much more permanent than his room.

Sakura shook her head out of her daze and finished the few steps down the hall to her bedroom, softly closing the door behind her. She slipped off her clothes and sauntered over to her chest-of-drawers for a clean set of pajamas. She grabbed a pair of cotton shorts and a simple tank top; the best thing to wear during the summer heat. She slipped them, then ran a brush through her hair quickly. She slipped off her bracelets, placing them onto her desk top, but kept her necklace on. She never removed it.

She slipped under the thin sheets of her bed and sighed at their comfort. Her eyelids fluttered closed as sleep quickly consumed her.

**b.K.d**

Emerald eyes flew open as Sakura heard the sounds of a panicked man beside her. She shot up in bed, her heard pounding as she clutched the sheets close to her and listened carefully. At first, all she could hear was the loud hammering of the blood in her ears, and she thought that what she had heard previously was merely a dream.

But before she could fully dismiss it, she heard it again. The pained moaning and tiny scream that followed.

She threw off her sheets and rushed into the hallway, yanking Syaoran's bedroom door open. She took a step in, and stopped as she caught sight of the scene before her. Her eyes widened, as she watched the boy in the bed thrash around angrily, gasping and moaning as if terrible pain.

Sakura hurried over to his bedside, placing on knee of the bed so she could lean over his flailing body. A bright sheen of sweat coated his forehead, making his hair stick to the skin. She grabbed onto his shoulders and tried to stop his jerking, but couldn't. The best she could do was shake him, trying to wake him up.

"Li-kun!" She cried, shaking him violently as another small scream pierced the air. "Li-kun! Please, you have to wake up! LI-KUN!"

Suddenly, his eyes flew open. His pupils were small and panicked as they darted around the room frantically. His breathing was laboured and loud, not slowing or calming even when his eyes found Sakura. He seemed so vulnerable; that look alone almost frightened Sakura.

His bright amber eyes began to water, "Kin...I...she..."

"Hush," Sakura said gently as she let go of his shoulders. Her hand went to his hair, caressing it back away from his forehead. She felt him shudder, his eyelids fluttering closed for a second before opening again. She offered a comforting smile, "It's alright, Li-kun. You were just having a nightmare."

He seemed to stare at her for a long time, his eyes wide and weak. As if she could see into their depths instead of the closed guarded look he usually wore. He still trembled slightly beneath her touch, his eyes distant as if he weren't exactly seeing Sakura.

Finally, he spoke. But it was soft, barely a whisper. Sakura almost didn't catch his words.

"She wont' leave me alone."

Sakura's eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, "Who won't leave you alone?"

Syaoran looked up at her sadly, then closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. It really couldn't even be considered a shake, but really a twitch. Sakura didn't press for answers, though, and kept up with her soothing touches. Slowly, his breathing calmed down and she had thought he'd fallen asleep. She cautiously pulled back her hand, ready to leave, when his hand shot up and grabbed her wrist to stop her. Her eyes widened on his now opened panicked ones, his grasp on her tight.

"D-Don't leave me," he begged, his eyes wide and pleading. "Please."

Sakura was completely caught off guard. This wasn't the Li Syaoran she had come to know in the past week. This young man was completely vulnerable and hurt, not closed off and guarded. He was begging, he was quiet. He wasn't anything like the rude boy she knew.

And she couldn't say no.

Her hand went back to caressing his hair, running her fingers through the soft dark locks. She looked him straight in the eye, whispering softly, "I won't leave you, Li-kun."

He seemed to search her eyes for a moment, then let his close again. He gave a tug on her hand, pulling her toward the bed. She shook her head, "No, Li-kun...that isn't a good idea."

His eyes shot back open, his gaze slightly accusing, "You said you wouldn't leave me."

"No," she promised, "I won't. But – "

He tugged on her hand again, his eyes softening again. "Please?"

Sakura locked gazes with him for a moment, then sighed and nudged him to move over. She laid on top of the blankets, blushing softly, refusing to get under with him. There had to be boundaries, and that'd be passing them. But that seemed to be enough for him. Syaoran let go of her wrist, shocking Sakura as he rolled over toward her. She gasped as he rested his head on her chest, his arm wrapped lazily around her midsection. Wide eyed, she didn't know what to do as he snuggled in close to her.

"Li-kun...?" Sakura whispered, her hand tentatively going back to run along his scalp again, soothing his hair.

He sighed, his breath seeping through her thin tanktop_. "Mei Ling..."

* * *

_

**Author's Note: There you have it!! Now we know who his love is....**

**HUGE thanks to 'Tomoyo'-chan for going over this quickly so I could post tonight. If I write something, I have to wait a day before posting since, if I edit back-to-back with writing the chapter, I miss more mistakes than I usually do. So she was awesome enough to edit FOR me ^.^ Thanks hun! You're the best!!**

**And thanks to 'Meiling'-chan for just putting up with my craziness XDD **

**Check out their stories on my profile ^.^**

**THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!! I am AMAZED and SOOO happy with them! And since I've already started the next chapter...I'll send a sneak peak if you leave a signed review this time ^.^ **

**Please leave a review!! Love 'em!**

**xox, Riva**

_Next Chapter... How will Sakura react to Syaoran's last words -- a name? Can she approach him on it? And how will Syaoran react to what he wakes up to??_


	7. Chapter 6: Give me Reason

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Six – Give Me Reason

* * *

_

_Song Choices _

_-- "__Beside You" by Marianas Trench  
-- "New Divide" by Linkin' Park  
-- "__How to Save a Life" by the Fray

* * *

_

Syaoran let out a small sigh as he began to stir, his senses hit with the sweet scent of honeysuckle and vanilla. A small smile played on his lips and he inhaled the scent greedily, squeezing the warm object in his arms tighter.

_Wait...? Warm? Honeysuckle and vanilla? What the hell?_

His eyes opened, despite the protesting in his head, to be met with white. Or, more specifically, right in his direct sight was breasts covered in a white top. His eyes widened, his heart racing as his head followed up and down to the steady breathing of the angel below him. He turned his eyes upward, careful not to disturb her, to see Sakura's sleeping face. Her eyebrows were knitted together, as if she hadn't gotten a proper sleep. As if she were worrying in her sleep. Her one hand laid above her head on the pillow, while her other was limply in his hair. He could vaguely remember the feeling of comforting fingers dragging through said hair, gently caressing his scalp...

And yet, all he could do was react badly to the situation. He quickly sat up and pulled away from her to the other side of the bed, his eyes narrowed and blazing with anger as his fists tightened on his lap above the blankets.

"Wh...WHAT THE _FUCK_ ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!"

Sakura's green eyes shot open, her mouth gapping open as she shot up in bed and looked around frantically. When her eyes landed on Syaoran, they seemed to widen farther. Her face slowly tinged from pink to red, burning.

"I...you...And...." she tried to stumble out.

Syaoran glared coldly, "Go on – I want to hear this explanation. Otherwise, I'll have to report you to your father. Pretty sure this is considered harassment, Kinomoto."

Sakura looked at him wide-eyed for a moment, then sighed softly and looked down at her lap. "You...You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" He snarled.

"You were having a nightmare," Sakura said softly, her voice ringing quietly through the still room. "You were screaming and crying, Li-kun. I came in here to wake you and see if you were alright, and you..." she paused and looked up, biting her lower lip nervously. Her voice quieted down even more, "You asked me to stay."

Syaoran couldn't help but scoff, "That's the best you can come up with, Kinomoto? That's fucked up. Like hell I would ask _you_ to stay with me."

Sakura gave him a tiny glare, her cheeks flashing red again. Her hand curled up into a ball, holding the

blankets she sat on in a fist. "I'm not lying. It's what happened."

Syaoran's eyes narrowed on her angrily, "Get. Out."

Sakura shot him a glare herself, then jumped out of his bed and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click. He glared at the door for a moment before exhaling angrily and slamming himself back into the bed, an arm coming up to drape across his eyes.

_What the hell was all that? _His voice practically screamed at him. Li Syaoran definitely wouldn't stoop down so much as to ask a girl to sleep with him for something as pathetic as a 'scawwy nightmawe'. He laughed at that thought – right, as if.

But she had slept with him... And Syaoran suddenly felt a wall of dread surround him; what could she have heard? She had said he was screaming, but that had never happened before. If it had, surely others would have awaken from the noise in the past – his sisters, his mother, hell even his old roommate Matsumoto would have woken! So if he was screaming...

_What did she hear?_

**b.K.d**

Sakura felt herself trembling as she cracked eggs for tamagoyaki. How in the world was she supposed to bring this up? She knew he had to talk, that she needed to make him open up to her. Who knew how long these nightmares had been going on? How many restless sleeps he had had for how long? And somehow, she knew that these nightmares linked up to his addiction somehow.

And then, there was the single name he had spoken last night – _Mei Ling_.

Who was she? What was she to Syaoran? And better yet, where was she now? Surely, if she was so important...So important that he was afraid of her leaving...She'd be here for him, in his most time of need?

Part of her suspected what had happened last night, between herself and Syaoran. She figured she had at least woken him for the first part – when he had said _'She won't leave me alone'. _But after that, she had been so sure he'd fallen asleep again... Could it have been possible that he was asleep when he had spoken to her again? No...No, his eyes were open. Unless he truly wasn't _awake_, and more so dreaming. If one was dreaming so vividly, surely their eyes could open for a short period of time, right? And then he must have thought she was this Mei Ling girl, begging her not to leave him...

But that made no sense – saying '_She won't leave me alone' _one moment and then the next, begging for her not to leave?

Sakura cursed gently under her breath as she threw the chopsticks into the bowl and went to the fridge to get some green onion.

This was all so confusing – how was she supposed to make it all out?

Apparently, however, time had run out for her to make sense of last night. As she closed the fridge door, she heard Syaoran's footsteps walking down the hall and toward the living room.

**b.K.d**

Syaoran finally rolled out of bed, still pissed off about the situation of last night – _No way in hell I asked Kinomoto to sleep with me!!_ – as he stumbled across the hall to the bathroom. He flicked on the light and went straight to the mirror above the sink.

He nearly did a double take at what he found in his reflection.

There was next to no sags under his eyes or black circles around them – if he looked close enough, he could see them, but only if you stared for a while; besides that, they were unnoticeable. A first in months. His eyes seemed a bit brighter, a bit more awake. His face seemed to have a bit of colour in it, showing that he had gotten a decent night sleep.

His eyes widened at this revelation – not _just _a 'decent' night sleep, besides the incident Sakura claimed, he hadn't woke up, tossing and turning in sweat-covered sheets. He quickly glanced down at his watch, nearly freaking out at the time.

It was nine if the fucking morning.

Not only had he had a decent night sleep and not woken in the middle of the night...He had actually slept in past sunrise.

_Holy fucking hell, no!_

**b.K.d**

Syaoran didn't end up going to the kitchen. He went straight to the dinning room and took a seat, looking away from Sakura and out the window beside him. Sakura sighed – both in annoyance for him avoiding the subject and in relief – and quickly tried to finish breakfast. She made the tamagoyaki, along with some toast and some freshly cut fruit. She made two plates and brought them out to the table, then hurried and grabbed two mugs to fill with coffee, grabbing milk and sugar to put out on the table. On her way back to the table, she grabbed two forks from the drawer.

She took a seat beside Syaoran at the tiny round table and picked up her fork, picking at her egg. In the corner of her eye, she watched Syaoran pick up a small bunch of grapes, look at it, then put it down. He didn't try and touch breakfast after that. Finally, fed up with the uncomfortable silence, Sakura pushed her plate away and turned to Syaoran, her eyes wide with confusion. He refused to look at her, irking her slightly.

"Who's Mei Ling?" Sakura asked softly. She saw him tense drastically as his shaking hand reached out for his coffee mug. He pulled it close to him, holding it with both hands. He didn't even appear to be trying to answer her. After waiting a moment still, Sakura sighed sadly, "We need to talk, Li-kun."

Syaoran tightened his hold on his coffee mug, his jaw tensing. He all but spat out his words; "No, we don't Kinomoto. Just drop it."

"I can't," she whispered, almost painfully, watching him as his body began to shake angrily. "Please, I need to understand everything. I'm sure this Mei – "

"SHUT UP!" He screamed, his eyes – full of hatred and anger and venom – shot up to her. "JUST SHUT UP!"

Sakura stood up, wanting to comfort him as she noticed the his eyes begin to glisten with tears, but she was barely up before he stormed out of the room. She winced as she heard his bedroom door slam shut, standing in a daze for a moment. Then, ever so slowly, Sakura slid back into her chair and placed her elbows on the table, resting her head in her palms with a heavy sigh.

"What am I going to do?"

**b.K.d**

Sakura didn't know how long she was like that, but suddenly, she heard tiny footsteps approach her. She jumped, startled, and whipped around to see Syaoran standing in the living room, his eyes away from her as he shuffled uncomfortably.

"Li-kun...?"

"I..." he paused, choking up. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, his tightly made fists shaking angrily at his side. "I'm sorry."

Sakura's eyes widened in shock, "You're...Sorry?" She wanted to stand and join him in the living room, but her legs wouldn't work. They wouldn't stand. "Li-kun, there's nothing to be sorry for."

He shifted, obviously uncomfortable. "Can we...C-Can we talk?"

Sakura felt her breath catch and eyes widen. And when she didn't answer right away – speechless – Syaoran lifted his head a fraction to see her, and Sakura almost cried for him. There was the same look in his eyes as the previous night; he was vulnerable.

"Yeah," she felt her voice shake as she stood, "of course we can. Here," she walked over to the couch and gently patted the spot beside her. Syaoran seemed hesitant, but joined her and took a seat, shuffling over to the other side so he was pressed against the arm of the couch and farthest away from her. She gave a gentle, encouraging smile, "Is this alright, Li-kun?"

He gave a small nod and let out a long, tremor-filled sigh. He looked away from her, toward the coffee table, unable to gaze upon her as he spoke. In a quiet voice, he began, "I don't...I don't know how to begin. I really don't. Last night, you weren't supposed to hear..." He stopped himself and sighed, frustrated, "I don't talk about her. I haven't for six months now."

"Just start wherever you want," Sakura reassured. "And speak how much and how little you'd like. I'm here all day – all night, if need be. Take your time."

He nodded, indicating that he understood, and inhaled a deep get shaky breath. He closed his eyes, his fists, which rested on his thighs, clenching. "Mei Ling was... She was my everything. She was my best friend and future wife. I loved her."

"She was your fiancee, then?" Sakura asked softly.

"No...not officially," he admitted quietly, "but...I knew we'd marry someday."

"What happened to Mei Ling-san?" Sakura asked quietly, feeling a cold shiver run down her spine.

"She left me," he whispered, emotions lacing his voice. "She died."

**b.K.d**

"_That's impossible!" Syaoran screamed at the doctor, squeezing the fragile hand in his out of both comfort and anger. He glowered at the tiny man in the white coat, furious, "Run those damn tests again! That's just fucking impossible!"_

"_Xiao Lang..." the tiny voice beside him protested. _

_The doctor didn't look anger, but instead sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Mr Li... Mr and Mrs Shen...But I've already run the tests twice and both times was the same results. It's not easy telling this to anyone, especially such a young girl – "_

"_That's bull," Syaoran snarled. "You tell this to people everyday."_

"_Xiao Lang!" The girl beside him scolded. He flinched, hearing the anger and disappointment in her voice. He turned his attention away from the doctor to her, her large red eyes mystifying his own. She squeezed his hand, pleading with him through her eyes, "You need to calm down..."_

"_Calm down?!" He scoffed. "Mei – "_

"_What are you going to do for my daughter then?" Her father spoke up, making Syaoran's head snap back to the doctor. _

_The doctor's eyes turned even more remorseful. "This type of cancer doesn't respond to chemotherapy or radiation very well. And the cells have spread to her liver and the lymph nodes surrounding the pancreas, making it in-operable. Chemo can extend her life for a few weeks, but it's only a palliation."_

"_So...there's nothing?" Mei Ling's mother whispered, aghast. "No experimental drugs?"_

"_There is," the doctor told them. "But I wouldn't recommend any of them. Again, they're all palliation – they'll only stall the disease. There are ways to reduce pain, but that's all I can really suggest. Right now, I think you'll want to improve the remainder of Mei Ling's life."_

"_How...H-How l-long?" Her mother's voice shook._

"_I won't lie," the doctor said sadly. "The cancerous cells have spread, making her exact life expectancy very vague. The average is anywhere between three weeks to three months."_

"_That's bull!" Syaoran screamed out, ignoring Mei Ling's pleas to stop. "She's just a girl! Not even nineteen yet! How the hell does a child get pancreatic cancer?! And how could we not have known?! This is absolute fucking bull!"_

"_This isn't called the silent disease for nothing, Mr. Li," the doctor said softly. "We rarely get teens in with this cancer – Miss Mei Ling here is perhaps only my third teen patient in all my thirty-six years of working here. There are very few symptoms before the disease advances too far, and if there are symptoms, they're subtle and can easily be put off as something else. Such as, you've explained to me that she's been experiencing abdominal pain for a month or so now?"_

"_We thought that was just stomach aches," her father explained, sounding more tired than he ever had in his life. "Gas or something."_

"_That's what patients usually presume, seeing as the signs are similar," the doctor nodded. _

_Suddenly, the mother began to wail, collapsing to the ground, hysterical. Her husband rushed to her side, pulling her to his side as she cried 'My baby! Oh, my poor baby!'_

_For the first time in the day, besides to scold Syaoran, Mei Ling spoke up. She clutched Syaoran's hand like it was her lifeline, biting back her tears. "Wh-What do I do now?"_

"_I'll get you some pain medication," the doctor said gravely. "We'll keep you for the rest of the night, and then you may go home. I'm sure you'd rather your last weeks in the comfort of your home than at the hospital." She nodded, making the doctor offer her a tiny smile, "Alright then. I'll get the papers for your parents to check you out."_

_When he left, Syaoran turned to Mei Ling. She was looking down, her ebony bangs hiding her eyes. Shaking, Syaoran reached forward and touched her cheek, making her jerk her head up to face him. He cupped her cheek, trying to drown out her mother's cries, and caressed the spot below her eye. He noticed the mist in her eyes, and felt the stinging in his own._

"_I promise you," he said sternly, determined, "I will find a cure, Mei, I will. There has to be something out there, perhaps in America or something. And I'll find it, Mei, I promise I will. You're not going to die."_

_Her eyes began to spring tears, the salty water rimming her distraught eyes. Choking, she whispered, "Xiao Lang, don't – "_

"_I won't lose you," he said fiercely, his eyes blazing. "I love you. I can't lose you."_

_She opened her mouth to respond, but instead looked away and closed her eyes. She reached out and touched his hand, whispering so quietly, Syaoran had to strain his ears to hear her, "I may only have weeks – "_

"_Or months," he cut her off. "Don't start looking at that other ridiculous possibility. You're going to be fine." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, "I promise."_

**b.K.d**

Sakura sat, her eyes wide and sympathetic, unable to say anything. Saying 'I'm sorry' just sounded so rude, and she was sure he was sick of people saying that to him. That part she understood, getting sick of people apologizing when they have nothing to apologize for. All she could do was watch his defeated, vulnerable form sitting there – his head was buried in his hands, his head hanging down toward the ground. She, herself, sat with her back against the couch's arm, her legs folded up so her knees were to her chest while her arms encircled her legs and her chin rested on her knees.

After a few minutes of absolute silence, Syaoran broke it. He trembled in his hands, taking deep calming breaths. "I...I don't even know...why...I'm telling you any of this. It's just..." he turned his head slightly to look over to her, and Sakura gasped. His eyes were red, as if he were forcing back the tears. Then, it suddenly occurred to her – _has he had a decent cry yet? _"It's just...you remind me of her, in a way. She was so caring, even when she was..." he turned away, unable to say that final word. "She always thought of others, especially me, before herself. It would...anger me, at time."

Sakura nodded, trying to be understanding. She waited patiently to see if he would continue, which he did. After a moment, he pushed on. "Four weeks after being diagnosed, she just fell asleep one afternoon and...and I couldn't wake her for dinner."

Sakura didn't say anything – again, saying 'I'm sorry' just seemed too rude, and surely he was sick of hearing that. Instead, she pivoted so her feet were back on the ground and scooted down so she was sitting beside him. She saw him tense as she got closer, but choose to ignore it. Without hesitation, she reached out and touched his hand, making him flinch. Again, she ignored it, and wiggled her fingers under his palm which was pressed against his face and squeezed his hand, slowly bringing it down away from his face. She used her other hand to touch his cheek, gently turning his head toward her. His eyes were red and a little clouded, but besides that, it was obvious he hadn't cried during this time. He was holding it back.

"I think that's enough for today, Li-kun," Sakura said softly, rubbing her thumb soothingly over his knuckles.

His eyes widened a bit, shocked. She could still see the vulnerability in them; it was almost frightening. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He closed it and cleared his throat, then tried again. "You're...not going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?" She asked quietly. "_I'm sorry?_ No...I don't think you want to hear that. You've probably heard it enough, and it doesn't do anything."

Syaoran blinked twice, shocked by the accuracy of her words. His lips twitched, almost moving into a smile, as gently pulled his face away from her hand and looked away, "Yeah, I suppose that's true."

Sakura smiled softly and stood up sighed, stretching her arms up over her head. She glanced back at the clock on the wall, her eyes widening; she hadn't realized how much time they had spent talking. "Well, I suppose I should start dinner..." she paused and looked over to Syaoran, smiling sadly. "Um, I know you're probably not hungry, but do you think you could eat something small? Just to appease me?"

He stared at her blankly, thinking it over. No, he wasn't hungry. If anything, after speaking about Mei Ling, he felt sick to his stomach, but he couldn't force himself to say no. He looked down and nodded minutely, "Yeah, sure."

Sakura grinned, happy for his decision. "Great! I'll just make some soup quickly – how's that?"

He shrugged, "Ah, sure." He heard her move, making her way toward the kitchen. His fists tightened up into tight balls, shaking slightly. Finally, he closed his eyes and spoke up, though his voice was shaking, "K-Kinomoto!"

Sakura paused and looked back, in the archway connecting the kitchen and living room. She cocked her head to the side slightly, "Yes?"

He let out a long breath, his eyes squeezing together; why the hell was this so difficult?! It was two small words, and yet he could barely choke them out. After a moment – which she didn't rush him for – he whispered softly, "Th-Thank you..."

Sakura's grin grew. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, she simply nodded and whispered back, "You're welcome, Li-kun. I'm here anytime you need me to be."

Though whispered, Syaoran easily caught her words. His eyes flew open in shock, his head shooting up in time to see her spin around and disappear into the kitchen.

His heart was thudding angrily in his chest.

_What had just happened?_

**b.K.d**

Sakura suggested leaving the dishes for the night; it was fairly early into the night, but she figured they had had a long enough day and instead suggested they go to bed. She encouraged Syaoran to take a long, relaxing soak in the tub and go to bed. He took up the offer without a second thought.

Sakura got ready for the night, putting the fan on full-blast and directing it toward her bed. She pulled the sheet up onto her body and snuggled into bed, sighing in content and confusion over the day's events.

She was overjoyed that Syaoran had opened up to her, but she knew there was plenty more to his story than what he let on. Currently, she knew that this Mei Ling girl was his love, and that she had died of pancreatic cancer only weeks after being diagnosed with it. She also realized that he missed her and that she was part of the reason that drove him to drugs. But there was more... And she wanted to find out what that 'more' was.

She sighed, realizing another thing – she had yet to discuss with him about seeing a psychiatrist. It was something all people admitted to Ichidou had to go to, and Ichidou had the top doctors in all of Asia working for them. He had been in the camp for just over a week now, and she had yet to bring it up to him. She had figured that if he wasn't going to talk to her, the chances of him speaking to a professional was nil to none. But now that he had...

She had to speak to him about it. He had to speak to someone about this, seek help.

She could only hope that he would listen to her, though.

With that final thought, she drifted off into a restless sleep.

**b.K.d**

Syaoran laid in bed after his bath, unable to sleep. Though he hated to admit it, the previous night was the best night's sleep he had had in ages – since Mei Ling's death six months before.

He looked over to the clock beside his bed, the bright luminescent green numbers glaring back at him. It was nearing midnight by now; he had been laying down for a couple of hours now, and sleep had yet to come. And he knew that, once it did come, it would be filled with taunting nightmares and angry memories.

He grunted a curse word under his breath and got up from bed, stumbling toward the door and down the hall to the other bedroom. It was cracked open a tad, so he didn't bother to knock.

There, nestled ever so peacefully in the soft bed, was Sakura. She was curled up on her side, the fan blowing furiously across her, making her hair dance. She had one arm tucked under her head and the other clutching onto the thin sheet covering her. Her face was so serene, even with the tiny crease between her eyes.

With a deep breath, he slowly stumbled over to her bedside and stood over her for a moment, his heart hammering in his chest. He could feel his face going aflame as he leaned over and gently shook her shoulder. She jumped, her eyes flying open with a gasp as they rested on Syaoran's looming figure. She jumped up, blinking a few times at him before her face settled into the look of confusion.

"Li-kun?" Sakura asked softly, clutching the blankets close to her.

"Umm..." he stumbled, his face hot as white-fire. "I-I-I know this sounds...stupid...b-but I..." he scratched the back of his head nervously, looking away from her confused face. "I...slept better...last night."

"You don't sleep?" She asked sadly after a moments pause, having to have think about his words.

"N...No," he admitted quietly. "Not since... Not for a very long time."

She nodded in understanding, not needing another explanation. She quickly shuffled over in her bed, patting the spot beside her. He hesitantly crawled into the bed, laying on his side facing her. He mumbled a thanks, unable to say more. Within minutes, his eyelids began to droop and sleep took over his body.

He slept fully, not one dream or nightmare or memory coming to invade his sleep. Not once did he wake to himself thrashing or sweating or panicking. He slept like he hadn't slept in a lifetime; dead to the world.

And in the morning, when he finally woke – sleeping in again, past sunrise again, close to ten o'clock - he awoke to having his limps entangled with Sakura's. His head once again rested on her chest, his arms around her tiny frame while she was turned slightly toward him and had her arms wrapped around him loosely.

Whatever this was, he welcomed it.

* * *

**_Author's Note: IMPORTANT!!!! --- READ!_**

**As many of you know, I'm part of a group called "EvilClonesRSmexy" (...and if you haven't heard of us, go check us out!!)...And one of my teammates, 'Tomoyo'-chan (YamiNoTomoyo) listened to my outline of Syaoran and Mei Ling's relationship in this... And so AWESOMELY decided to write a oneshot based on them XDD A "fan-fanfiction", as she put it. Cute, ne? **

**I _BEG _you to copy and paste the link below, and read this oneshot. It actually puts some things in perspective, along with some cuteness. But get a box of tissues ready -- this girl owes me a box, or few, after this. I was in tears (...jerk!).**

**Just take out the (dots) and replace them with actual periods, and you'll find her oneshot on there. It's entitled "Ichidou: Reservation"....Please read AND review it. It's...amazing. I applaud her amazing skills! LOL (then again, when do I not? XD)**

**(And 'Meiling'-chan.... ^.- enjoy!! Love us XDD)**

**_YamiNoTomoyo's story: ---- http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5204983/1/_**

**....And thanks, again, to 'Tomoyo'-chan for editing this quickly. **

**Please REVIEW!!!!!**

**Thanks for reading!!**

**xox, Riva**


	8. Chapter 7: Weakness

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Seven – Weakness_

_Song Choices:_

_-- "Save You" by Kelly Clarkson  
-- "If No One Will Listen" also by Kelly Clarkson  
-- "Be Your Girl" by Chieco Kawabe (from Mei Ling's POV)_

_

* * *

_

Sakura woke the next morning due to the sunlight leaking through the window. She scrunched her eyes closed tightly, upset with the sun, before sighing and giving up. Her eyes fluttered open and a small frown crossed her lips when she found the other side of the bed empty. She had been sure Syaoran had been there...

She sat up and rubbed her face tiredly, sighing as she looked around for the alarm clock on her nightstand. She gave a loud gasp, her eyes as wide as saucers, as she read the time on the clock – 11:03 am.

She tossed the blankets aside and rushed down the hall. Her senses were immediately struck with the strong scent of basil and garlic. Her mouth began to water hungrily and she gave a small, shaky laugh when her stomach growled lightly. She followed the scent into the kitchen, shocked at seeing Syaoran wearing her apron, leaning over the stove with a spatula in his hand. He seemed to be concentrating, his brows slightly furrowed.

She gave a small cough to make her presence known, making his head snap toward her. His usually cold and hard amber eyes were warmer, a mixture of confusion and indecipherable emotions swirling in their depths. Sakura gave him a small smile and walked over. Once near the stove, she closed her eyes and leaned in, inhaling deeply. Her mouth watered even more as she let out a long, approving sigh. Her eyes opened again and she grinned up at him, seeing his shocked expression.

"Smells delicious," she complimented. Syaoran blinked once and turned his attention back to the pan on the stove. Sakura cocked her head to the side slightly, "What is it?"

"Ch-Chicken pesto quesadilla," he mumbled.

"Cas...Ques...a-dee-ah?" Sakura tried to pronounce, frowning at her failed efforts. "That doesn't sound Japanese, or even Chinese for that matter."

"No, it's Mexican," Syaoran informed her, flipping the round flat-bread sandwich over in the pan. "My sister travels a lot, and always comes back with new recipes. This was, ah, one of my favourites she brought back with her."

Sakura grinned, "Well, it smells delicious." She swore she saw his cheeks tinge pink, but the tint was quickly gone and she dismissed it as her imagination.

"Th-Thanks," he mumbled, not looking at her. "It'll be done in a minute."

She grimaced, "Won't you be eating?"

"I already ate mine," he told her. "I was just about to wake you, I was just waiting for this to finish first. I was pretty shocked you had pesto in the first place."

Sakura shrugged, hopping up onto the counter. She gently swung her legs against the cupboards below her. "Eriol-kun is British, and so Tomoyo-chan's made it her duty to learn recipes from around the world – much like your sister. Eriol-kun always commented about how he liked this pesto pasta dish – some sort of cream based sauce – and Tomoyo-chan, of course, took up the challenge. I prefer the basil pesto she buys to the tomato, so I keep a jar here in case she happens to come over and feels up to cooking me a dish of the pasta. It's actually quite good."

Syaoran's lips twitched into a small smile. "Pesto alfredo?"

Sakura's eyes widened slightly and she nodded frantically, "Yeah! That sounds right. Some sort of fancy 'a' word, anyway."

"Then maybe...I mean, if you want..." he shuffled his feet, and Sakura swore she saw the same colour of pink rise in his cheeks for a split second. "Erm, I mean, I know how to make that shit; it's not hard. I can make it for your sometime, if you want, that is."

Sakura's eyes widened, "Really?! Oh, that'd be awesome! That pasta is...Mmm, amazing."

"Yeah," he mumbled, "no problem. Do you have salsa and sour cream?"

"Salsa?" Sakura mumbled. "Umm...no, but I have sour cream. I use it for baking – it makes cake soft and moist."

"You might want to dip the quesadilla into some sour cream," Syaoran suggested, shrugging. "It tastes good with it."

"Okay," Sakura smiled brightly and jumped off the counter, landing silently on her feet. She pulled the small tub of sour cream out from the fridge and fetched a small dipping-bowl from the cupboard. She spooned some of the sour cream into the bowl, then returned the tub to the fridge and returned to Syaoran. He was flipping the quesadilla onto a clean plate and cutting it into quarters when she turned around. She grinned and rushed over to where he stood, taking the plate he held out. Her mouth watered as she raised the plate under her nose and sniffed it greedily, moaning slightly. "My God, Li-kun! This smells delicious!"

He slowly smiled sheepishly, "Well, enjoy then..."

She frowned, "Won't you at least sit with me?"

He seemed shocked at her words, as if not expecting that she'd ask that. He seemed to contemplate the request for a minute, before looking to the ground and nodding. He followed Sakura to the kitchen table, the both of them pulling out a chair at the same time. Sakura picked up the first of the four corners and dipped it into the bowl of sour cream, then brought it to her mouth and bit down. Her eyes widened, dancing with amazement as she looked up to Syaoran and quickly swallowed.

"This is delicious, Li-kun!" She praised, quickly dipping it again and taking another bite. She closed her eyes and moaned, "Soooo good...You're definitely going to have to teach me this recipe."

"If you want that..." Syaoran spoke softly, catching Sakura off guard.

She swallowed the bite in her mouth and looked to him with worry. "Li-kun...Are you all right?"

He looked away as if nervous, or even embarrassed, and slid his hands off the table to place them in his lap. "Can we...talk?...Like we did yesterday?"

Sakura blinked twice before breaking out into a large grin. Her heart pounded happily, rejoicing for his progress. The fact that he was asking for them to talk was huge, even though a small voice in the back of her head told her that he should be speaking to a counsellor, and not her. But she couldn't help it; she _wanted _Syaoran to trust her, to speak freely to her, to console in her.

"Of course," she told him softly, encouraging him. "Do you want to talk now, or after lunch?"

He shrugged, still not looking up, "Um, whenever...I suppose..."

"Alright then," Sakura dipped another corner of her quesadilla into the sauce, "how about you begin, while I keep eating this amazing meal. Sound okay?"

Syaoran nodded, his eyebrows slowly furrowing in frustration whenever he'd open his mouth to speak and nothing came out. Sakura didn't push, though. She simply sat there, silent, eating her lunch while watching him. She had finished off her third quarter when Syaoran let out a long sigh and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"I...I'm going to be honest," he spoke as if afraid. "I don't even know why I want to speak to you; I've kept things about..._this, her_...for month now. I don't even speak to my family about her, and yet..." he paused and looked up to Sakura, his eyes darkened with confusion. "And yet, I feel as though I _can _talk to you about this stuff. And...And I don't know why..."

Sakura smiled lightly at him, trying to encourage him. "You can talk to me, Li-kun. I want you to." Their gazes locked for a moment, before she pushed back her chair and offered him her hand. He frowned, confused. "C'mon, I'm stuffed – let's move to the living room, 'kay?"

He nodded and reached for her hand before pulling it back, getting up without her assistance. He followed her to the couch, taking a seat in the centre of one of he cushions. Sakura took a seat beside him, though kept a healthy amount of distance. She obviously did this for him to feel comfortable, and the gratitude of this action showed in his face.

He drew in a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching his hands which laid on his knees. "Mei Ling and I met when we were still in diapers. Our mother's were best friends growing up, so we were raised together. She was..." a ghostly smile appeared on his lips, "She was beyond annoying, and I usually hated my mother for always sticking us together. But as time wore on, I...fell in love with her. She was everything to me. The world, the sun, and universe.

"I was angry at everyone when she was diagnosed," he mumbled quietly, making Sakura have a sense that he was ashamed of it. "I was angry at her parents for not taking up any sort of treatment, even if Mei Ling had bluntly refused any. I was angry at the doctors for not doing anything for her. I was angry at my mother for not using her resources to find anyone that _could _help her. Hell, I was even mad at Mei Ling, for giving up. But mostly...I was mad at myself, for not being able to do anything. I buried myself in research to find someone to help her, contacting doctors all across the world – from America to England, to Germany to China – to help her. None of them could give me the answers I wanted."

Sakura felt her heart break as she watched Syaoran clench his fists. He lowered his face, allowing his bangs sweeping in front of his eyes to hide his expression. Still, he continued. "It's just..._fuck_, I can't explain it. I can't speak about her...And even now, with you, it's painful. I wanted to say more, explain more, but...I can't, I'm sorry. It's a minor miracle that I'm speaking at all, I'll admit. I've kept myself separate from my family since her death, and yet I've known you for a week, and..."

Sakura sighed and reached for his hand, laying hers on top of his. He jumped slightly, startled by the contact, but didn't say anything besides that. Sakura gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying to wordlessly tell him that she was there for him. "Li-kun, I...um, I think you should speak to someone..."

Syaoran's head shot up, his wide eyes looking to her in disbelief. Quickly, they narrowed on her and his jaw clenched, "I _am _speaking to someone, Kinomoto. I'm speaking to you."

Sakura shook her head half way through his sentence, "No, that's not what I meant. I mean, yes, you can of course speak to me. And I'll always listen. But I mean someone professionally, someone who can actually help you."

His fingernails dug into his palm as his fists tightened. "I'm not a fucking mental case, Kinomoto! I don't need to go see a psych!" He spat venomously.

"I didn't say you were mental," she quickly assured him. "But everyone who comes here has to go through it, has to seek help before they are permitted to go home. Drug addictions have to partially do with the brain, and to help you the most..." When his jaw only clenched tighter, Sakura sighed and squeezed his hand. "Li-kun, I'm not saying you have to speak to someone right now, this instance. It doesn't even have to be this week. And you can always talk to me, but really...I'm no professional. You need to speak to someone who can help you let go of this...this _guilt_ you feel toward Mei Ling's death. It wasn't your fault, and – "

"What the hell do you know?!" He roared, anger flaring in his eyes. "It was my fault! I didn't try hard enough, didn't contact enough people to help her! Someone had to be out there, and I failed he – !"

"Li-kun," she stopped him, her voice stern. He shut his mouth with a snap, clenching it angrily. Sakura sighed and shook her head. "All right, obviously we're not getting anywhere with this now, and...it's been a long two days. How about we go out?"

Syaoran frowned, "Out?"

"Yeah!" Sakura grinned, the tense atmosphere between them suddenly disappearing. "Tomoyo-chan's been dying to take you shopping for a bit now, and we really should appease her."

Syaoran grimaced, suddenly having flashbacks of his older sisters dragging him to mall after mall and pushing him into dressing rooms, throwing clothes his way. He shuddered at the thought, "Erm, I'm really not a shopping type of person..."

Sakura giggled, "Neither am I, but I think she had a heart attack last time she saw you and your ripped jeans and worn, discolouring shirt. Personally, I think the scruff look suits you, but..." she shrugged, "it's Tomoyo-chan, and she won't give up until she gets her way. So really, go on my word from experience – it's better to get it done and over with _now_."

Syaoran grimaced, wanting to protest against going, but somehow...he couldn't turn Sakura down. He simply sighed angrily and leaned his head back against the couch, his eyes closing. "Fine, let me shower and change and I'll be ready to go. But I am not a Barbie, got it?"

Sakura giggled, "Oh, you don't have to tell me that...Tomoyo-chan, on the other hand..."

Syaoran gave a loud groan of annoyance, making Sakura laugh again.

**b.K.d**

Syaoran nearly collapsed into bed the moment they got home. He had quickly learned just how much of a shopaholic Daidouji Tomoyo really was; definitely worse than his sisters...combined! For six hours straight they ran to store after store after store, shoving him into clothes and shoes and more clothes. Hell, they even got his hair cut. No longer was it so straggly with all the dead ends, but snipped here and there with gel to make it have an even messier appearance. Tomoyo had deemed it 'sex hair', the kind all women wanted to grab and tug on. Syaoran saw no difference, really.

He didn't even bother to put the new clothes away – he had merely come home, muttered a good-night to Sakura, dropped the bags on the floor of his bedroom, stripped down to boxers, and crawled into bed. Hell, he didn't even pull back the blankets to crawl underneath. He was too tired to even do that, and decided to sleep on top of the blankets.

His eyes fluttered closed, and the last sound he heard before drifting off to the world of sleep was the shower being turned on and the bathroom door locking...

_Syaoran took a deep, calming breath before reaching out for the doorknob and twisting it to open the bedroom door. He stepped in, placing a smile on his face when he saw the girl sitting up in bed, holding a picture frame in her fragile hands. Her frame had shrank in the past four weeks since Christmastime, since she had been diagnosed. She was paler and thinner, her face almost gaunt from lack of appetite. Her long ebony hair was tied back in a sleek braid – they had opted not to go with chemo, under Mei Ling's decision. Something Syaoran hadn't agreed with; it would have given him more time to track down the various doctors he needed. _

_He walked over to her and took a seat on the edge of her bed, startling her. She jumped slightly and looked up, her large red eyes confused. He gave her a tiny crooked smile and leaned in to brush his lips against her forehead, "Good evening, beautiful. Did you sleep well?"_

_Mei Ling nodded, frowning as he pulled away. She leaned forward and sniffed, her nose scrunching up. "You smell like cigarettes...Are you smoking again?"_

_He looked away and shrugged – of course she would remember when he had tried smoking a year before, simply because he was curious. She had found out a week later and spazzed out on him, making him quit right away. And he did, because he hated seeing her upset. But now... "I'm...Stressed. They kind of, help, you know?"_

_She puckered her lips angrily, "I still don't like it...It's not good for you. You'll get – "_

"_Lung cancer?" He scoffed coldly. "Maybe I'll smoke more than a pack a day then. At least it'll kill me quicker, and then I can be with you."_

_He heard her sharp intake of air and mentally scolded himself. He looked back up to see her red eyes swimming with tears and felt a sharp dagger plunge into his heart. He reached forward and touched her hand, "Look, I'm sorry Mei. I didn't mean – "_

"_Yes, you did," she said softly, sadly. She reached up and cupped his face, stroking his cheek softly. "Xiao Lang, promise me you won't do anything stupid to try and end your life."_

"_What if I want to?" He asked softly, looking at her in the eye. "Then I could be with you again, right?"_

_Mei Ling didn't answer. Instead, she looked away and tucked the photo she held under her pillow. She pulled her hand away from his face and clasped her hands on top of her lap, looking down at her twiddling thumbs. "Xiao Lang...I-I think we need to talk."_

"_About?" He asked apprehensive._

_Mei Ling closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before turning to look back at him. Her eyes showed sorrow and longing. "I...I love you."_

_He slowly grinned, reaching for her hands and giving them a small squeeze, "And I love you."_

"_No," she shook her head, confusing him. "No, please...You're not in love with me."_

_Rage flowed through Syaoran. He glared at her angrily, "What the hell do you mean I don't love you? Don't tell me how I feel now, Mei Ling. I love you. More than air. More than water. More than my own life – "_

"_I never said you don't love me. I'd never doubt that; you obviously love me," she cut him off softly. "But...you're not..._**_in_**_...love with me."_

_He frowned, his eyebrows scrunching together. "I...don't think I understand."_

_Mei Ling exhaled softly as she looked him in the eyes. "Xiao Lang...I love you. I always have, and I always will. But really, how many girls do you speak to? Hang out with?" His frown deepened, making her sigh. "It's only me, Xiao Lang. Of course you'll love me – but like best friends, or a sister. You love me. You're not in love with me."_

_His eyes grew aflame, "That's bull – "_

_"Xiao Lang," she stopped him, her eyes wide and pleading. "Please. Don't argue."_

_Syaoran glared at her for a moment longer, beyond angry that she dared to even suggest he didn't love her, but quickly felt his face soften. Her eyes were begging for him to stop arguing, for him to understand...And even though he couldn't understand, he could keep his mouth shut for her sake. Because he hated upsetting her, hated seeing her hate – physically and emotionally. He reached for her hand and gently took it in his, giving it a gentle squeeze before bringing it to his lips and laying a soft kiss on the back of her hand._

_Mei Ling sighed and closed her eyes, "I just...I don't want you to think you're tied to me, Xiao Lang."_

"_But – "_

"_No, let me finish," she stopped him sternly, her eyes opening to meet his. Her gaze was intense, almost demanding. "I want you to promise me two things, Xiao. Two little things."_

_Almost too quickly, without thinking and only wanting to please her, he nodded. "Of course!"_

"_One..." she began softly, "don't do anything stupid, like hurting yourself or...killing...yourself to be with me. Would you want me to do that if it were you dying?...No. And next..." she sighed sadly, a tight smile crossing her lips. "Xiao Lang, I only want you to be happy. You're not tied to me. Promise me, you'll keep your heart and eyes open."_

_Syaoran could only stare at her, wide eyed and jaw slack. She wanted him to find another woman? No! Out of the question! It was ridicu – _

"_She's out there, you know," Mei Ling whispered, stopping Syaoran's thoughts. "The one you're meant to be with. And...I'm not her, Xiao. I think I've always known that, known that I wasn't meant to be The One for you. I..." she looked down and chuckled drying, "I suppose this is my price, for taking so much time away from you. A greater force is taking me, to make sure you can be free to find your special person."_

"_No!" He tightened his hold on her hand, his blood boiling. "You're not going anywhere, got it?! So, I don't need to promise these things to you! You're going to stay here, with me. And nothing will tear us apart. Fuck 'The One' bullshit...You ARE my one! Mei – !"_

"_Just..." she stopped him, her voice tight. "Just say 'I promise', please? Just give me some comfort."_

"_But nothing is going to happen to you, Mei," Syaoran whimpered. "Nothing, I promise."_

_She smiled to him softly, using her free hand to cup his cheek. "Then just for comfort? Just to make me sleep better tonight?"_

_Syaoran clenched his jaw, not wanting to say the words but not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes anymore. He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply through his nose, forcing the words out. "Fine. I promise."_

_Mei Ling smiled brightly, though her eyes were still saddened. Her eyelids began to droop and her words were slurred."Thank you."_

_Syaoran watched her with pained eyes, giving her hand one last kiss before letting go to stand up. "You're getting tired, Mei. You should sleep. You need your rest."_

"_I know..." she mumbled, then pouted. "I hate being so...sleepy..."_

_He chuckled, "Yeah, but you need it."_

"_So little time..." she slurred quietly._

_Syaoran looked out the window and frowned, seeing the night touch the sky as the sun fell upon the horizon. "Yeah, I suppose the day's over." He looked back to her and took his seat again, smiling softly as he took her hand again. "How about this? I'll stay. I've already eaten, so I was just going to shower and go to bed anyway. How about I just stay here, now?"_

_A tiny smile crossed Mei Ling's lips, though she didn't open her eyes. She murmured a thanks, letting Syaoran assist her in laying down on the bed properly. Syaoran took his seat and grasped her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles. When sleep began to come over him, her leaned forward and laid his head down, resting it upon their entwined hands. _

_The next morning, Syaoran woke to the sun streaming through the window and blinding his sight. He cursed and sat up, rubbing his eyes with his free hand with a tired sigh. When done, he turned to Mei Ling, whose eyes were still closed. She seemed so peaceful yet so fragile, like a paper doll. He squeezed her hand, wanting to wake her for her usual breakfast – a smoothie._

"_Mei..." he cooed, standing up to gently shake her. "Mei Ling, time to wake up."_

_After a moment with no success, a wave of panic shot through Syaoran. He brought the hand he still held to his face, going to kiss the back. She always loved that; it was her favourite way to wake. It was only then that he noticed the coolness of her skin, the stillness of her chest._

_A scream ripped through him, alerting her parents who came dashing in. The father rushed to her side and checked for a pulse, then stumbled back and fell against the wall, shaking his head in disbelief. The mother fell to her knees, sobbing. It was the maid in the doorway who grabbed the phone to call for the doctor. He arrived quickly, rushing through busy morning traffic. He checked her over – for a pulse, for a heartbeat; for a flutter of life in her body – and shook his head with a sad sigh._

"_She was a lucky one," he spoke gravely. "So many go through weeks or months of pain, much more than she experienced. She died in her sleep, peacefully and painlessly. For that, she was lucky and you should be thankful."_

"_Lucky?" Syaoran growled, shaking with anger. "Thankful?! Her life was just taking from her, asshole! She was a child, and it was ripped away from her before she could even truly live it! How the fucking hell is that luck?!"_

_Before the doctor could answer, Syaoran shoved him out of the way and took off, slamming the front door behind him. _

_It was the first night he ran off. The first time they had sent out the police to look for him. He was found hours later, in the pitch black of night in the middle of a small forest area. In his hand was a bottle of Vodka, with an emptied bottle laying beside him. He was hammered, cold and clammy to the touch and trembling. He was rushed to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, mumbling barely coherent words, all of the same words repeated over and over:_

"_I'm sorry...I've failed you...You're gone...I've failed you...I love you, always you, only you...Can't go on...Love you...Failed you...Failed..."_

Syaoran shot up, sitting in bed. Around him, soaked in the sheets, was cold sweat. He was trembling, his body glistening with the cold dampness. His eyes were wide and crazed, his breaking quick and erratic. His throat burned, a lump growing of which he couldn't manage to swallow away. His eyes began to sting, and no amount of blinking would make it stop.

Without having to think about it, Syaoran threw himself out of bed and changed out of his soaked boxers and into fresh pajama bottoms, then rushed out and into Sakura's bedroom, closing the door behind him. Carefully, he climbed into bed and rolled onto his side to face her, watching her calm and peaceful face continue to sleep. Her hair was damp from the shower and behind her eyelids, her eyes twitched with dreams. Syaoran counted the rises and falls of her chest, finding it soothing. When he was somewhat calmed down, his breathing at least close to normal, he turned over away from her as carefully as possible, not wanting to disturb her.

Why he was becoming so dependent on Kinomoto Sakura, he didn't know. But he knew he could go to her, turn to her, trust and rely on her. Her presence was calming, soothing. It always helped him, and he couldn't explain why. When he was with her, he felt a carefree presence. A presence that made him want to smile and laugh again, that almost brought happiness to him – all of which were foreign emotions to him by now. It was confusing and startling at the same time.

"_Xiao Lang, I only want you to be happy. You're not tied to me. Promise me, you'll keep your heart and eyes open....She's out there, you know, the one you're meant to be with. And...I'm not her, Xiao. I think I've always known that, known that I wasn't meant to be The One for you."_

His eyes began to sting again, burn almost, as his vision blurred. He slammed his eyes shut, holding a hand to his mouth. No, no, no! He didn't want to cry! He couldn't cry! He hadn't cried for months now, hadn't shown such weak emotions for just as long! He couldn't, not now, not ever. He couldn't show how weak he was. No, no, _n –_ !

"Mmm?" Sakura moaned tiredly. The bed creaked and Syaoran tensed, sensing her gaze on him. He stilled, feeling the tears build up behind his closed eyelids. A gentle hand touched his upper arm, sending a tingling sensation through his body and prickling his skin. He whimpered, both from the warm touch and from trying to hold in his tears.

"Li-kun...?" Sakura whispered, this time sounding more awake. She squeezed his arm, "Li-kun, what's wrong?"

"Sakura..." he whimpered quietly, almost too quietly for her to hear.

And a tear escaped, rolling down his cheek.

(........To be continued)

* * *

**MAJOR Author's Note!!: I know this is long, but **_**PLEASE**_** read:**

**Readers, I am SO SOOOO terribly sorry for taking such a long while to update. Part of the reason is (and you'll know this if you read my co-authored story, 'Maneuver', or keep up with my LiveJournal updates) because I'm in the process of writing a novel, hopefully to be published by the end of this year. I was supposed to finish it before the summer ended, but due to...family issues...I wasn't able to. Sadly, it's only about half to three quarters of the way done U_U**

**Next, is because due to said family issues, I have no internet until the mid-September mark. Long story short, my step-father is a major douche (ha! putting THAT lightly) and my fam and I are being forced to move. Until we move and have everything set up, I have no access to the internet besides when I scam off at my friend's house of the library. This chapter's been done for the longest time now, but I just haven't had a way to get it to you guys, seeing as I'm at the library right now to post this.**

***sigh* Sorry people...Next update won't be nearly as long, as the next chapter is basically done...I just need to find a time when the library computer's aren't booked up or when I can go to a friend's place and scam off them. So hopefully, next week-ish? If I'm lucky?**

***sigh* I am SO sorry, and completely understand if you're angry with me...Just please try to understand that this wasn't in my control and I can only try to get the quick updates going again.**

**Quick shout-out to my FanFic...family, I suppose we can call them -- Mei-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Serge-kun and Jackie-chan. Love you all, and you've been a major help through all this. Hopefully things settle down, ne? XD Only a few more days until moving...And then hopefully, I can get online to talk to you all again! *crosses fingers* *hugs***

**Please leave some love and make me smile :) To make up for such a long update, I'll send you an exert of the next chapter if you leave a SIGNED review (sorry, but can only reply to reviews when you're logged in). **

**xox, Riva**

_Next: Syaoran is finally breaking down, finally shedding the tears that had to be shed so many months before. And of course, Sakura is with him through and through. But what else does he notice as she comforts him? Is this the dream that so ever haunts him, or something else entirely? And if so, why did this dream suddenly appear?_


	9. Chapter 8: Tears of an Angel

**Ichidou: Ray of Hope**

_Chapter Eight – Tears of an Angel_

_Song Choices:  
--"When it Rains" by Paramore  
--"You'll be in my Heart" by Phi Collins  
--"Save You" by Simple Plan

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Sakura frowned, finding herself somewhere between her dreaming world and the real world. She was stirring awake, as she felt the mattress shake slightly.

"Mmm?" She moaned as she roused. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around, her eyes widening on the back she came face to with. When had Syaoran got into her bed? It was then she realized that it was he who was making the bed shake slightly, and frowned. What was wrong? She reached a hand forward to touched his upper arm, and heard him whimper. Her breath caught painfully, her eyes hurting for him.

"Li-kun...?" Sakura whispered, awake now. She squeezed his arm, "Li-kun, what's wrong?"

"Sakura..." he whimpered quietly, almost too quietly for her to hear.

Sakura froze, her heart skipping a beat for some unknown reason. He hadn't called her 'Kinomoto', or anything just as equally polite for their short friendship. No, he had called her...

"Sakura," he repeated, sounding in pain.

Sakura gently tugged on his arm, pulling him toward her so he rolled onto his back. Her heart broke, wanting to reach out for him. A single tear stained his cheek, but his eyes were red and glossed over, tears rimming the amber depths. She sighed sadly and laid down, pulling Syaoran toward her. Without much hesitance, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his head into her shoulder, taking deep breaths as if trying to refrain himself from crying. Sakura's hand reached for his hair, her fingernails dragging through the silky tussle.

"I hate feeling so weak!" His voice was muffled into her shoulder, but Sakura could still hear him enough to understand what he was saying. She held him tighter, trying to comfort him. "I hate it! When I talk, I feel weak, and it must be true...Fuck, why am I feeling this way? Why do I want to cry?! God damn it, fuck!"

"Hush," she whispered to him soothingly. "That's not weak, Li-kun. Speaking about your unhappiness, about your sorrows...Venting, opening up, crying...None of that is weak. Quite the opposite; if you can do that, you're stronger than other beings who keep everything bottled up."

"How do you know? That makes no sense!" He growled, frustrated.

Sakura shrugged, "It's just something I've learned over the years. My Onee-chan – the girl who was assigned to me when I was in Ichidou – once told me; _It's strong to speak, weak to keep silent. _I've lived by that ever since, because it's true. If you can speak about something so painful, then you have to be strong to get through that. And then to shed the tears one needs to move on...It's a very difficult, painful thing to do, therefore, it takes someone with such strength to do so."

He stilled and turned his head slightly so their gazes met, their faces so close their noses were a hairs breadth away from one another. His brows were furrowed, his eyes still red and glossy. Quietly, almost too quietly, he asked, "What happened to you then? You always speak as if you truly _know_, so what happened to make you that way?"

Sakura's eyes darkened and her breath caught her her throat as she looked away. When she looked back up, her eyes were nervous and a sad smile was crossed on her lips. "Now is not the time to share my story, Li-kun."

"Will you though?" He asked, his voice sounding almost begging. "Will you share it with me, like I've shared mine?"

There was a small pause before Sakura nodded with a sigh, "Yes, one day. But for now..." she reached forward and touched his cheek, "what's wrong?"

His eyes rimmed with fresh tears as he laid his head back down and squeezed her closer, as if afraid to let her go. Quietly, he began to speak, as if he couldn't speak louder in fear of breaking down. "I had a dream...a nightmare...a memory – shit, I don't know what to call it. And it just...really freaked me out, I suppose. It was just way too crystal clear, as if I were living those few hours over again."

Sakura nodded in understanding, her hand returning to his hair to caress it sweetly. "Is this the nightmare you usually have?"

Syaoran froze, tensing up. "What do you mean?"

Sakura sighed, "Don't play dumb with me, Li-kun. I know you have regular nightmares – it's why you screamed out the other night, or why you slept with me last night. Believe me, it's nothing to be ashamed about. I think I'd almost be worried if you didn't have dreams like these at least once in a while. So is this the same one or not?"

He sighed, the warm gust of breath hitting the side of Sakura's neck. "No, it's not. This was my memory of...of uh, Mei Ling's last night and then the morning after."

"Oh," was all Sakura could manage to say after a second of silence. "I'm sorry. No wonder you're upset."

"I came in and smelt of cigarettes," he chuckled darkly. "She hated it, trying to reprimand me of it and insist I'd get lung cancer. Pretty ironic, huh? Worried for me getting cancer when the same disease was eating her alive." He didn't bother to add anything else about their conversation, not wanting to extend into many details. "And then, the next morning..."

Sakura unconsciously squeezed him closer to her, understanding where he trailed off. "She sounds like a very caring young woman. You were lucky to have her."

"She was," Syaoran whispered, his voice faltering as he choked up. He let out a shaky voice, "I was."

"Then cry for her," Sakura whispered softly, feeling him tense in her arms. "If you can't cry for you, cry for her. Cry for her and get those emotions out so you can start building a better life. She loved you, Li-kun, and because of that she wouldn't want to see you in this world of hurt and substance abuse. It would hurt her, Li-kun, because you're hurting."

"I-I don't know if I can..." he whimpered, "I don't know...I don't want to..." He sighed and finally settled on, "I hate feeling so weak."

"But it's not weak," Sakura insisted.

In that instant, Syaoran completely broke down. His whimpers broke out into sobs as he buried his face into her warmth and cried, his body trembling. He clutched to her tightly, desperately, as if hanging onto her for all that was worth, for his life even. In return, Sakura leaned her head against his in a comforting gesture, using one hand to pat his back soothingly and the other to run through his hair, scratching his scalp softly in a comforting way.

He cried as if he had never cried a tear in his life. He cried for the pain he had caused his family, he cried for his loss of Mei Ling...and he cried for himself. All the pent up emotions broke free after months of holding them back and restricting them, and he wanted to scream at himself for letting such vulnerability show. Especially in front of a girl who was practically a stranger. And yet, he couldn't. The thought of anger only made him cry harder, the anger acting like an overload of emotions, tipping the invisible scale beyond its capacity; breaking it, snapping it in half. No, shattering it into tiny splinters, he imagined.

Sakura held him tightly, like a mother holding her child protectively. Her eyes prickled with tears, her heart wrenching painfully for Syaoran's own hurt, yet she held them in. This was his time to cry, not hers. And if she cried now, she was sure he wouldn't get out what much needed to. He'd keep in his emotions once again. And if she cried now, as well, she felt as though she wouldn't be able to help him at all. She'd be a mess.

The amount of time he cried – mumbling incoherent words as he did, the only thing really recognizable being Mei Ling's name once in a while and an apology – was not measured, but neither cared. Minutes? Hours? For Syaoran, it felt like days. He just didn't seem able to stop for what seemed like forever. Yet when he managed to finally get control of his tears, holding a fist full of Sakura's shirt in one hand and another fistful of the blanket under him, as if to keep him grounded, it was still dark out. Not pitch black, like midnight, but a fraction lighter, as if the sun was trying to peek up, but it wasn't its time yet. He sniffled for a few more moments, as Sakura continued to hum a soft, comforting unknown song to him, relaxing him. He let out a strangled, shaky breath and turned his head to look up at her. He frowned, seeing Sakura's eyes red and glossy; not like she had been crying, but as if she was about to.

"Why do you cry?" He whispered softly, his voice scratchy and painful.

"I'm not," she whispered back, soothing down his hair still.

"Yes," he disagreed, reaching forward to run a finger down her cheek. "You are."

Sakura sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. Seeing anyone hurt, hurt her as well. But with him, it felt as though her heart was being ripped out for even the smallest of pain. With this much of hurt, she felt as though she were burning alive for him. And she didn't know why. There was a nagging voice in the back of her head, but she quickly dismissed it and spoke softly, "Because you hurt, Li-kun. Seeing you in pain hurts me, but that doesn't mean for you to stop. You need to let your emotions out. You can't keep them bottled up inside."

Syaoran frowned, "But _why _do you hurt, for me?"

Sakura thought for a moment, then smiled sadly. "Because you're my friend. I don't like to see my friends hurt." She watched his brow burrow and shook her head. She wondered if he ever had any friends, besides this Mei Ling girl. He obviously didn't understand how deep a friendship could run, how one friends emotions effected anothers.

Then again, she didn't necessarily understand how **_deep_** a friendship could be, either. At least, with him.

"Never mind. Why don't you tell me about these regular nightmares? Are they all the same, or...?" She tried to gently push him.

Syaoran tensed again, clutching her tightly for a moment before easing his grasp on her. He clenched his jaw, taking deep breaths. He knew he had to tell her, but he still didn't want to. "In those, Mei is being ripped away from me. I'm chasing after her, but no matter what I do, she keeps being pulled farther and farther away from me. She's crying, begging for me to come save her. But I can't, and I can't reach her. Finally, I can't move my legs and fall to the ground, and she's sucked into the blackness. The last thing I hear from her is crying 'You promised! You didn't save me, and you promised!'."

Sakura's breath had caught half way through his speech, her heart breaking for him as her chest clenched painfully. "And you see this..._every_ night?"

Syaoran sighed and nodded, "There may have been a night or two where I haven't, but yeah...basically, every night." He paused and sighed again, "Actually, the first night I didn't see anything was last night."

Sakura paused, stiffening for a moment. "You slept with me last night..."

After a small, uncomfortable silence, Syaoran whispered almost too quietly to hear, "Yes."

"So," Sakura let out a ragged breath, her mind spinning, "the weapon against your dreams is...me?"

Syaoran suddenly pulled back, his eyes wide – still swollen and red from crying – and panicked. He sat up in bed, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I-I don't mean...I, well, I mean...I'm not trying to take advantage of you...Crap, that's still not coming out right! I mean...I mean I'm not saying this to sleep – "

Sakura giggled at his uncomfortableness and waved her hand in a dismissing way to stop him. "No, no, Li-kun...I know, don't worry. I understand. Perhaps it's just the comfort of having someone there with you? It makes you feel safer, more secure."

Syaoran frowned, his brows hitching together slightly. "I...uh, I don't think that's it..."

"Oh?" Sakura tilted her head slightly in the cutest manner. "Why do you think?"

Syaoran sighed and looked away, frowning. What _did _he think? Well, Sakura definitely placed a comfort in him, and made him feel secure...But she was the only one who had done that since Mei Ling's death. His Mother's presence only agitated him, and his sister's were smart enough to steer clear. No, only Sakura made him feel so safe. She sparked a new fire in him, one he couldn't understand. She made him want to try, want to get over his addictions. It was why he had woken and made lunch for her earlier that day, and didn't put up a fuss with moving to her apartment. Yes, she was always smiling...and for some reason, that angered him – how could one be so happy while working with all these, pardon the pun, crack heads? – but even her ever-happy presence had grown on him.

So why_ did _her presence make him feel this way? Why did it calm him, soothe him, and reassure him all at the same time, in the way no one else could.

Finally, he sighed and answered her question that was still left unanswered, deciding to go with what he could think of and truths. "I...don't know. You make me feel safe, but no one else does...I don't know why, and I don't know why you keep the nightmares away."

Sakura sighed and reached for his hand, gently squeezing it. "All right then, how about this? Obviously, you can actually sleep here, so..." she took a deep breath and smiled, "why don't you sleep in here for now on? With me?"

Syaoran's head snapped up, his eyes wide and his jaw slightly slack. "Are you...Uhh, I'm not sure...I-I mean..."

"Oh relax," she scoffed. "It's not like we're going to _do _anything, like molest one another. It's simply for sleep. And if it helps you...I mean, obviously you can't go on meds for it, because, well..."

"No, yeah...I get it," he chuckled nervously, looking down. Of course, because sleeping pills could become addictive, and no doctor in Ichidou would be willing to give out such medication to a drug abuser, even if they were for good reason. Not with the chance of him becoming addictive to those, or using them in replacement of his usual drugs.

"So this is obviously the best idea," Sakura smiled. "If it helps you, of course I'd do it. And, really...we're two mature young adults, nothing can happen."

"Uh, yeah..." he shifted nervously. In truth, that wasn't his concern. It wasn't like he was a thirteen year old boy, raging with hormones. He had never really had _those _kind of urges before. Yes, to an extent with Mei Ling – of course, he had received a boner from her, and had even had to wack some off in the shower because of wet dreams he'd have of her – but they had never done anything of the sort. They had got to third base, before Mei Ling would pull back and stop them. She said she wanted them to wait, for marriage, and Syaoran always agreed, not wanting to push her.

So he was sure he wouldn't have a problem with _that_ part of sleeping with Sakura...it was more so the idea of sleeping in the same bed, period. Mei Ling and him hadn't shared a bed since they were four years old, when they would take their nap times together. After that, they weren't permitted to do so and therefore didn't. They weren't the kinds of teens to sneak out and see one another, or slip into one another's bedrooms in the middle of the night. That just wasn't them.

He had never shared a bed with a woman, even for such an innocent reason such as this. And doing so regularly, every night, was somewhat nerve-racking. Hell, he hadn't even shared a bed with his mother after a nightmare as a child!

And yet...some part of him _rejoiced _about this. Why was that? Why was there such a battle of emotions raging through his body? Nervous, but wanting to at the same time? What was this?!

Sakura's voice cut through his thoughts, however, before he could make any sort of way through the maze his mind was in. "You must be exhausted, Li-kun. We should try and get some sleep. It'll do you some good, I can promise."

Syaoran looked to her, his heart racing. What was with her that made her so comforting, that calmed him so? Why did he suddenly want to be so close to her; as if he didn't want it to be any different? The pang in his heart...Was it from Mei Ling still, or was it something else entirely...?

He blinked slowly twice, staring at her as his mind racked with questions and confusion. When she cocked her head to the side, he shook his head gently and nodded, "Uh, yeah...Th-That'd be a good idea, I suppose." He paused, frowning slightly, his cheeks warming slightly but not noticeable in the dark, "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Of course," she smiled to him, then rolled onto her back, closing her eyes with a sigh. "Good night, Li-kun. Sleep well."

"Ah, yeah...." he hesitated. "Good night, Sa – K-Kinomoto."

He couldn't help but watch her for a moment, unable to help it. While he knew he looked vulnerable while sharing his past and tonight, while crying...This was like her moment of vulnerability. Her breathing was slowly evening with sleep fast approaching, her rose-coloured pink lips turned into the smallest of smiles, her auburn locks of hair fanned out across her pillow...

Was she always this beautiful? And why was his heart beating so quickly, like it was about to erupt?

His eyes flickered back to her lips. Did they always look so soft?

Sakura felt the bed shift, creaking slightly. She frowned in worry. "Li-kun...?"

She opened her eyes, her breath hitching at Syaoran's close proximity. His nose was a hair's breadth away from hers, and she could feel his warm breath fanning across her chin. This close, she could see his eyes perfectly, even in the dark. It was the first time she realized the true beautiful colour they were; not merely amber, but almost like a warm brown shade, lighter in shade closer to the iris, with flecks of gold throughout them. Like someone had taken a fine-tipped paintbrush, dipped it into pure gold, and painted them there into random little spots that sparkled brightly before her, like stars in the sky.

"Li-kun?" She asked again, this time quieter, in barely a whisper. She felt him shudder slightly above her as her breath hit his skin.

He didn't answer, but instead swallowed loudly, nervously. Then, without warning, he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. Yes, he was right – her lips _were _soft, beyond words. Yet he couldn't bring himself to move his lips; he simply kept them still, pressing them to hers with the slightest pressure.

Sakura gasped, her eyes wide with shock. She was frozen stiff, unable to comprehend what was going on. But before she could question his motive or the kiss itself, just as quickly as he initiated the kiss...the feeling was gone, and so was he. A chaste kiss was it, the only evidence telling Sakura it was indeed real being the slight tingle still upon her lips.

Beside her, Syaoran laid on his side, his hands tucked under his pillow under his head. His heart was pounding away in his chest, so loud he was sure Sakura's neighbours could hear. The blood pumped furiously behind his ear, while a soft tingle crackled across his own lips. And though this seemed like joy – excitement, exhilaration perhaps – it was not. Inside, a voice was screaming in his head –_ What the fucking hell was that?! What have you done?!

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**Author's Note: ****I know, I know...I said I'd try and get it up last week, but the key word was TRY. Sorry, moving ended up being more of a pain than I thought...It was, literally, wake up and six and go to bed at midnight kind of weekend, so granted, along with packing throughout the week like a mad woman, I got really no writing done and was unable to get to my friends to steal her internet. **

**On the plus side...**

**I HAVE INTERNET NOW!!!!!! *does happy dance* That's exciting!! So updates will be regular again, or at least, more regular than what it was XD I'm still not done my novel, and now I have school, so it may not be every-few-days updates, but it will be once a week or so. **

**Next, for anyone reading my co-authored story 'Maneuver'...The update will be SOON. I'm in the process of finishing it up, due to technical difficulties, and then it'll be shipped off to my fellow author, and them BAM! It shall be updated! So no fret, it's comin' up next!!**

**xox, Riva**

_Next Chappie...: What shall the morning be like, and how will they be to one another? If this was a turn in the story, then the next chapter will sure put a bend in it ^.-_


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